1
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,667
Nobody tells Harold
Brownlow he can't get what he wants.
2
00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:42,042
Those City Hall assholes
are a bunch of blowhards!
3
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,667
I don't understand why
4
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:46,417
we can't get a cab
like normal people.
5
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,542
Hilary dear,
6
00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:51,583
you don't get as rich as I am by
giving money away to cab drivers.
7
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:56,417
Besides, our hotel is just at
the other end of this alley.
8
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,000
You're such a cheapskate.
9
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,708
Come on, woman.
10
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,000
Whoa!
11
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,250
Watch your step!
12
00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:10,542
Harold,
I don't like this place.
13
00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:12,625
It smells bad.
14
00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:14,792
Jesus, it's a 100 yards.
15
00:01:14,792 --> 00:01:16,542
Hold your nose or something.
16
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:18,917
Harold?
17
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:20,083
Huh?
18
00:01:21,542 --> 00:01:24,792
Boy! You're a big
son of a bitch, ain't ya?
19
00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:27,917
Hilary. Call a cab.
20
00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,708
Harold!
21
00:04:03,958 --> 00:04:05,083
Hoy-hoy!
22
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:33,958
Eat this!
23
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:46,833
Hi-ya!
24
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,958
Son of a bitch!
25
00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:56,500
Stay down!
26
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,250
Automated defense
protocol initiated.
27
00:05:15,042 --> 00:05:16,125
Yeah!
28
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:29,958
Ya!
29
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,208
Burn in hell, ninjas!
30
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,500
No!
31
00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:13,208
Damn you, Akumu!
32
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,208
Damn you!
33
00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:29,583
Okay. Let's do this.
34
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,083
I am here
with Governor Atkins
35
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:36,417
outside Pompadour's
International circus
36
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:39,125
as it prepares for a midnight
performance tomorrow night,
37
00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:40,708
in aid of the city's homeless
38
00:06:40,708 --> 00:06:42,958
and organized
by the Governor himself.
39
00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:45,625
Good morning, Governor,
and thank you for joining us.
40
00:06:45,625 --> 00:06:48,417
My pleasure Dolly, as always.
41
00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,583
Governor, what do
you say to your critics
42
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:53,042
who say this humanitarian
gesture of yours
43
00:06:53,042 --> 00:06:55,958
is simply a smokescreen
designed to mask
44
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:59,042
some of your more
puritanical policies?
45
00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:02,875
The tabloids can call
me a puritan if they so wish.
46
00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:04,417
Ah-ha!
47
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:05,750
But it's just
a reactionary insult
48
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,500
due to my zero
tolerance stance
49
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,417
on anti-social behavior.
50
00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:12,667
I'm referring to the abuse
of alcohol in our society.
51
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:14,792
Someone has to put their head
52
00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:16,833
above the parapet, Dolly.
53
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:18,833
Which is why under
my tenure as Governor,
54
00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:21,917
I will be seeking to restrict
the opening times of bars
55
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:24,917
and nightclubs together with
limits on the sale of alcohol.
56
00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:27,458
If that makes me
a Puritan, then so be it.
57
00:07:27,458 --> 00:07:29,083
Remember, only together,
58
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:32,250
can we make this world
a better place.
59
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,208
I'm ready when you are.
60
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,042
Fuckin' clowns.
61
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,292
All of 'em.
62
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:51,250
Hey!
63
00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:53,042
You been shooting
the appliances again?
64
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:55,042
- Give us a kiss!
- Must be the roaches.
65
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,542
They've started packing heat.
66
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,708
Any damage and I'm
adding it to your rent!
67
00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:00,667
Which is now overdue,
by the way.
68
00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:02,292
You'll get your money, Gussman.
69
00:08:02,292 --> 00:08:03,958
Now get out of my face.
70
00:08:03,958 --> 00:08:06,000
You Goddamn pervert!
71
00:08:06,042 --> 00:08:07,917
Give us a kiss!
72
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,208
Hey, hero.
73
00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:17,333
Spare some change
for an old vet?
74
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,375
You again?
75
00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:19,917
Here's a quarter.
76
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,792
Buy yourself some pants
and Binaca spray.
77
00:08:25,792 --> 00:08:27,208
This man bothering you, sir?
78
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,083
Ha!
79
00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:30,167
Who's asking?
80
00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:31,542
Name's Koslowski, sir.
81
00:08:31,542 --> 00:08:33,083
Captain Schitt sent me
to meet you.
82
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:34,417
I'm your new partner.
83
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:35,750
Oh, Jesus.
84
00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:42,250
Do you have any words of wisdom
for a rookie like me, sir?
85
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:44,000
Sure. Work hard.
Eat your greens.
86
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,750
And never stick
your dick in a mangle.
87
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:47,042
Wait! What?
88
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:48,333
Yeah!
89
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,792
Jesus H. Christ
on a hippity-hop.
90
00:08:56,792 --> 00:08:58,875
What the hell is
going on in this city?
91
00:08:58,875 --> 00:09:01,125
That's the twelfth disappearance
in as many weeks.
92
00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:03,833
At least this time
we have a witness, sir.
93
00:09:03,833 --> 00:09:05,542
If she ever comes round.
94
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:08,250
Shit! Not again!
95
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:11,500
Goddamn it!
Where the hell is Steel!?
96
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,542
Um, I think he's
breaking in that
97
00:09:13,542 --> 00:09:15,333
new partner
you sent him, sir.
98
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,375
Hmm. I wonder how
that's working out?
99
00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:23,083
Probably quite badly.
100
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,917
Son of a bitch!
101
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,167
Can I just say it's a real
honor to work with you, sir.
102
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:58,208
Okay, let's get one thing
straight, kid.
103
00:10:01,375 --> 00:10:02,917
I don't like you.
104
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,000
Who the fuck is this guy?
105
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,750
And before you start,
106
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,708
it's not because you're
a rookie or any of that crap.
107
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:15,667
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
108
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,750
I know what you're thinking.
109
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,125
You're thinking that
this tough exterior
110
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:25,542
is just my way of...
111
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,708
breaking in a new partner
112
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,542
and that after a while,
the bickering
113
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,458
and mutual dislike
of each other
114
00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:38,625
will turn into admiration,
115
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:41,167
and who knows,
maybe even respect.
116
00:10:44,542 --> 00:10:46,750
Well, I got news
for you, Butthorn.
117
00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,167
That ain't gonna happen,
you hear me?
118
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,958
Sweet baby Jesus!
119
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:59,208
I'm a maverick, renegade,
120
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:00,458
loose cannon...
- Look out!
121
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:02,500
...lone wolf cop on the edge.
122
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,583
Who doesn't play by the rules
123
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,375
and I work alone!
124
00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:11,417
- Got it?
- Uh-huh.
125
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:15,917
Oh, and it's
probably a good idea
126
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:17,958
to get your affairs in order.
- Huh!
127
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,583
Say goodbye to loved ones
and so forth.
128
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:32,542
My partners don't exactly
have a long shelf life
129
00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:34,125
if you know what I mean.
130
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:37,875
Oh!
131
00:11:39,708 --> 00:11:40,958
Don't do drugs.
132
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,125
What the hell is
wrong with you?
133
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,750
Anyway, enjoy the ride!
134
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:01,583
Yeah!
135
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,625
So. We clear?
136
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:06,708
Uh-huh!
137
00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:09,458
Steel!
138
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:11,500
What the hell
were you thinking?!
139
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,833
Do you have any idea
how much damage you caused?
140
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,500
More than a little
but less than a lot?
141
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,958
Have you read this?!
142
00:12:16,958 --> 00:12:18,500
"Beleaguered Police Captain
Jack Schitt
143
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,500
about as much use as
a chocolate condom!"
144
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,625
That's harsh.
And a little racist.
145
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,542
You're lucky I don't
assign you to desk duties!
146
00:12:24,542 --> 00:12:26,667
Come on, Captain.
The last time I picked up a pen
147
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,417
it was to stab a
rapist in the nut sack!
148
00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:30,833
I mean it, Steel!
You're this close to being gone.
149
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,125
- On what grounds?!
- Listening to hair metal
150
00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:35,125
in that souped-up
penis extension of yours
151
00:12:35,125 --> 00:12:36,958
and really shitty driving!
152
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:39,250
What the hell happened to you?
You used to be one of us!
153
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,333
Out there kicking ass
and taking names!
154
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:42,625
Now you just sit
behind that desk
155
00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:44,042
sticking pencils up your ass!
156
00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:45,875
I do not stick
pencils up my ass!
157
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:47,875
And Koslowski!?
I mean, come on!
158
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,542
How many partners is that!?
159
00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:51,375
The kid just wasn't
ready for the mean streets!
160
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:53,000
Steel, he shot himself.
161
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,792
Damn rookies!
162
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,625
This lone wolf bullshit of
yours has gone on long enough.
163
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:59,792
You will work with a partner
even if it kills me!
164
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:01,625
- Shit.
- The whole precinct
165
00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,375
threatened to walk out
if I tried to partner you
166
00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:05,375
with any more of them so
I've had to go further afield.
167
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,042
You have a choice,
a Swedish female recruit
168
00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:09,125
from the cultural
exchange program,
169
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,625
a hyperactive monkey
called Mr. Giggles,
170
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,750
or the office cheese plant!
Your call!
171
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,292
This is fuckin' stupid.
172
00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:17,792
Okay, I'll work
with a partner
173
00:13:17,792 --> 00:13:19,583
if you go one round
of "face or balls".
174
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,833
Damn it, Steel! I don't have
time for this shit!
175
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:23,250
Face or Balls.
176
00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:24,500
Okay.
177
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,208
It'll have to be face.
178
00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,333
My wife is starting to wonder
why my balls are blue.
179
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,333
Yeah!
180
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:34,375
Okay, Steel.
Pick a partner!
181
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:37,083
I guess I'll go for
the Swedish broad.
182
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,958
You can send her in now.
183
00:13:50,583 --> 00:13:52,042
Hi, welcome to the team.
184
00:13:52,042 --> 00:13:54,083
No Chuck, that's Gloria,
my new secretary.
185
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,792
That's your new partner.
186
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:56,958
Oh!
187
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:58,792
Huh?
188
00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:00,167
I work alone!
189
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:02,708
Steel, say hello
to Officer Ingrid Klutz.
190
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:04,208
Is the monkey
still an option?
191
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:05,250
Nope.
192
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:07,958
Hello?
193
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,708
Yes.
194
00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:13,042
Yeah? Well, fuck you, too!
195
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:14,667
That was the hospital.
196
00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:16,125
Billionaire industrialist,
Harold Brownlow
197
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,792
disappeared last night
198
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,167
and his wife was chased
into oncoming traffic.
199
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:21,083
Seems she's
regained consciousness.
200
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:22,750
This is serious, Steel.
201
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,083
Brownlow was a personal
friend of the Governor.
202
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:25,750
That guy's a Goddamn lizard!
203
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,208
Damn it, Steel!
204
00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:28,667
I am not in the mood
for your another one
205
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,333
of your paranoid
conspiracy theories
206
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,250
about how the world is being
run by shape shifting
207
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,875
Illuminati lizards
from another dimension!
208
00:14:33,875 --> 00:14:35,208
Do you hear me?!
209
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,792
You'll be sorry.
Mark my words.
210
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,292
Get your ass over
to the hospital
211
00:14:38,292 --> 00:14:39,625
and get the wife's story.
212
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,042
We need to find
whoever did this
213
00:14:41,042 --> 00:14:42,833
or the Governor's
gonna have my ass!
214
00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:45,625
Don't worry, Captain,
your ass is safe in my hands.
215
00:14:45,625 --> 00:14:46,875
No, wait a second—
216
00:14:46,875 --> 00:14:48,375
Get out of here!
217
00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:52,208
I'd open a window
if I were you.
218
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,167
One more thing, Steel.
219
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:55,583
Hmm?
220
00:14:55,583 --> 00:14:57,167
Do these pants
make my ass look big?
221
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:01,750
Hey, what are you doing?
222
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:04,292
I'm a very important person!
223
00:15:05,708 --> 00:15:08,333
This place
is a fucking freak show.
224
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,083
Ah, Officer Steel.
225
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,792
I've been meaning to find you.
226
00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:13,417
You missed our session again.
227
00:15:13,417 --> 00:15:15,125
Blow it out
your ass, Chump knuckles!
228
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:18,500
You can't keep avoiding me,
Officer Steel!
229
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,500
Okay, let's get
one thing straight.
230
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,208
I don't like you.
And before you start,
231
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:24,792
it's not because you're a woman
or any of that horse shit.
232
00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:26,625
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
233
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,542
I know what your thinking,
you're thinking that
234
00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:30,667
this tough exterior...
235
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,250
...is just my way in
breaking in a new partner
236
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:33,750
and after a while,
the bickering...
237
00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:38,792
Dr. Rosenpenis to Proctology.
238
00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:41,042
Calling Doctor Rosenpenis.
239
00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:44,042
Hi, I'm Chuck Steel.
240
00:15:44,042 --> 00:15:45,792
This is my partner
Ingrid Klutz.
241
00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:48,292
Work partner!
No way would I touch that!
242
00:15:48,292 --> 00:15:49,667
Hell no.
243
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:52,625
Um, I'm here to see
Mrs. Brownlow.
244
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:54,042
Room seven.
245
00:15:54,042 --> 00:15:55,333
Across the hall.
246
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:56,958
Say, sweet cakes,
247
00:15:56,958 --> 00:15:58,917
how about when I'm done here
we go out somewhere?
248
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,875
I know a great
Monster Truck festival.
249
00:16:00,875 --> 00:16:02,125
I'm busy.
250
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:03,333
What about Monday?
251
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,750
I'm filing my tax return.
252
00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:05,958
Tuesday?
253
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,292
I'm burying my dog.
254
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:08,708
Wednesday?
255
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:11,000
Wednesdays,
I stick pins in my ass.
256
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,167
You're trying to tell me
something aren't you?
257
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,667
Call for back up, lesbian!
258
00:16:25,042 --> 00:16:26,417
Help!
259
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:28,958
Freeze, fudge sucker!
260
00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:30,708
- Huh?
- Huh?
261
00:16:31,875 --> 00:16:34,167
Die, harlot of darkness! Die!
262
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:45,208
You're busted, slime ball!
263
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:47,708
Uh, somebody's used this.
264
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:50,833
Well, thanks for
the speedy back up, Igor!
265
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:58,292
Okay, old man, start talking!
266
00:16:58,292 --> 00:17:00,250
You have made
a terrible mistake.
267
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,958
That lady must be destroyed!
268
00:17:01,958 --> 00:17:05,083
According to immigration,
you are one Abraham Van Rental.
269
00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:06,708
That your real name?
270
00:17:06,708 --> 00:17:08,292
She has been bitten.
271
00:17:08,292 --> 00:17:10,292
In a few hours, her
transformation will be complete
272
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:12,958
and she will be consumed
with an unholy bloodlust.
273
00:17:12,958 --> 00:17:14,458
Okay...
274
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:17,083
Tell me, you've heard
of vampires, no?
275
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,333
Sure.
276
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,958
But have you ever heard of...
277
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:22,292
Trampires?!
278
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:23,875
You mean like a woman
who tears out your heart
279
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,333
and sucks you dry?
280
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:26,750
Um, no.
281
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,458
I mean tramps in
the sense of hobos,
282
00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,417
derelicts, stinky
street folk, you know.
283
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,542
Not tramps as in harlots
or ladies of the night,
284
00:17:32,542 --> 00:17:34,583
although they, too,
can be affected.
285
00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:36,167
Anyway, I digress...
where was I?
286
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:37,333
Trampires?
287
00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:38,417
Ah, yes.
288
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,375
Trampires are an aberration.
289
00:17:40,375 --> 00:17:42,167
Half vampire, half tramp.
290
00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,417
Although in this country,
I think you call them bums,
291
00:17:44,417 --> 00:17:46,292
but Bumires doesn't
make any sense.
292
00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:48,250
We wouldn't want that now.
293
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:51,958
Many centuries ago
in Transylvania,
294
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:54,083
vampires ruled over the land.
295
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:56,167
They were the
aristocracy of the time
296
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:59,208
and they fed off the blood of
the peasants without question.
297
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:02,083
But, around 1400 A.D.
298
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:04,375
everything got a bit P.C.
299
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,417
and their way of life
was deemed unacceptable.
300
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,750
Ooh!
301
00:18:11,583 --> 00:18:13,542
They were driven out
and destined to spend eternity
302
00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:15,875
wandering the land
as reviled outcasts...
303
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:17,542
Up yours!
304
00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:19,167
...condemned to
a life of darkness
305
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:21,667
and of eating half-eaten
burgers out of bins.
306
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,208
When this happened,
they got really depressed
307
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,042
and took to drinking heavily.
308
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:30,042
Over the years, this
constant binge drinking,
309
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,792
especially on weekends,
310
00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:33,417
caused their
metabolism to mutate
311
00:18:33,417 --> 00:18:35,500
until their craving for blood
312
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:38,167
and their craving for cheap
booze became entwined.
313
00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:42,833
Thus, the Trampire was born!
314
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:44,625
Are you on drugs?
315
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:45,917
I can prove it to you.
316
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,500
Tell me,
am I right in saying
317
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,375
that before each of
the victims disappeared
318
00:18:49,375 --> 00:18:51,792
they had recently attended
a party or social gathering
319
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:54,542
which would have involved a large
amount of alcohol consumption?
320
00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:55,750
Go on.
321
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:57,458
It is the same in every case.
322
00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:59,833
The Trampires are only
attracted to victims
323
00:18:59,833 --> 00:19:01,917
who are completely
ripped to the tits.
324
00:19:03,875 --> 00:19:05,375
You don't believe me!
325
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,917
Wait!
326
00:19:06,917 --> 00:19:08,125
Fruit cake.
327
00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:09,792
Where are you going?
Come back!
328
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:11,333
The Trampires are real!
329
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,042
They are out there!
330
00:19:13,042 --> 00:19:15,583
And with every new victim,
their ranks grow ever stronger!
331
00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:17,250
I believe you.
332
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,500
Oops.
333
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:22,792
Sorry.
334
00:19:26,906 --> 00:19:29,875
See you
on the gun range, Igor.
335
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,875
Ah, Steel. There you are.
336
00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:33,583
I hear you have
a suspect in custody?
337
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,208
Yeah. Old guy.
338
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,083
Looks like Sherlock Holmes'
retarded brother.
339
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,750
Speedy work!
On another matter,
340
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,750
how's the anger management
therapy going?
341
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:42,333
Oh, you know.
Pretty good.
342
00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:44,292
Been dealing with a lot
of feelings and stuff.
343
00:19:44,292 --> 00:19:45,917
You know, emotions and shit?
344
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,500
Cut the crap, Steel!
345
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,333
I know you haven't been
to a single session!
346
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,333
I've been busy. I'm in
the middle of alphabetizing
347
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:52,958
my cock rock collection.
348
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,417
I don't need any more
"cops on the edge"
349
00:19:54,417 --> 00:19:56,083
in this precinct, Steel!
350
00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:57,458
So you'd better start
revealing your inner child
351
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:58,667
to this lady, or—
352
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,042
Let me guess,
it's my ass?
353
00:20:00,042 --> 00:20:01,458
No, it's your badge
and your gun!
354
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:04,500
You can shove
your ass up your ass!
355
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,042
It doesn't even
make any sense!
356
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:08,167
I'm in charge!
I don't need to make sense!
357
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,792
Face or Balls?
358
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:10,833
Jeez.
359
00:20:10,833 --> 00:20:12,167
Okay. Balls.
360
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,625
I can't take
any more head shots.
361
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:14,958
My neurologist said
I have an aneurysm
362
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:16,375
the size of a tennis ball.
363
00:20:16,375 --> 00:20:17,708
Yeah!
364
00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:19,458
Jesus!
365
00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,458
I think I split my ball bag!
366
00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,583
Hmm, so you said
you feel like—
367
00:20:58,208 --> 00:20:59,708
Hmm, so you said
you feel like this
368
00:20:59,708 --> 00:21:02,333
every waking minute
of every day?
369
00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:03,750
Pretty much, yeah.
370
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:04,958
Is that it?
371
00:21:04,958 --> 00:21:06,458
Please relax,
Officer Steel.
372
00:21:06,458 --> 00:21:08,417
If these sessions
are to be of any use,
373
00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:11,125
I require the patient
to be a willing participant.
374
00:21:11,125 --> 00:21:12,542
I'm here aren't I?
375
00:21:12,542 --> 00:21:14,333
Under duress, I suspect.
376
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,875
Look, do you want
to do this or not?
377
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,292
'Cause I got better
things to do, lady.
378
00:21:17,292 --> 00:21:19,125
Believe it or not,
I'm here to help.
379
00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:21,125
Oh, is that right? Well, I've
seen what your kind of help
380
00:21:21,125 --> 00:21:22,958
is doing to the rest
of this department!
381
00:21:22,958 --> 00:21:24,958
We've got Maloney
so "emotionally liberated"
382
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,625
that if some
street punk shot him,
383
00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:28,167
he'd probably apologize
for bleeding so much!
384
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:30,292
Martinez is so in touch
with his inner child
385
00:21:30,292 --> 00:21:32,417
that he won't go anywhere
without a diaper
386
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,667
and Sanchez is so in tune
with his sexual identity
387
00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:37,375
that he's taken to wearing
a gimp mask on stakeouts!
388
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:38,958
And as for the Captain,
389
00:21:38,958 --> 00:21:40,750
that's really starting
to scare me!
390
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:43,083
I'm sorry if you don't like
my methods, Officer Steel,
391
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,458
but I also have a job to do.
392
00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:47,875
And that job is bringing
emotionally scarred
393
00:21:47,875 --> 00:21:49,458
police officers like yourself
394
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,792
back from the brink
of self destruction.
395
00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:53,208
Well, I like being
on the "brink"!
396
00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:55,208
In fact, I'm thinking
of buying a house there.
397
00:21:55,208 --> 00:21:56,875
It's a little farther
from the "edge"
398
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:58,625
than I would have liked
but I can always commute!
399
00:21:58,625 --> 00:22:00,833
This conversation
is getting us nowhere.
400
00:22:00,833 --> 00:22:03,708
Let's start over, shall we?
401
00:22:03,708 --> 00:22:05,500
Tell me about your wife.
402
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:06,708
Huh?
403
00:22:06,708 --> 00:22:07,875
There's nothing to tell.
404
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,583
I had a wife and now I don't!
405
00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:11,750
That's it. Can I go now?
406
00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:13,000
What happened to her?
407
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,333
She was killed. Okay?
408
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,042
She's gone.
409
00:22:16,042 --> 00:22:18,250
She was murdered by
a piece of shit ninja warlord
410
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,250
by the name of Akumu.
411
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,583
What happened to this Akumu?
412
00:22:22,583 --> 00:22:24,292
Didn't you try to find him?
413
00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:25,917
What are you saying?
414
00:22:25,917 --> 00:22:27,500
You saying I don't know
how to do my job? Huh?
415
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,042
No. I'm simply—
416
00:22:29,042 --> 00:22:30,833
You saying I didn't
love my wife? Are you?
417
00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,625
I think we should leave
things there for today.
418
00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:34,250
I can see you're
becoming agitated.
419
00:22:34,250 --> 00:22:35,833
This ain't agitated, lady,
420
00:22:35,833 --> 00:22:39,083
believe me you don't
want to see me agitated.
421
00:22:39,083 --> 00:22:41,792
You know, there's no shame
in having emotions
422
00:22:41,792 --> 00:22:43,250
other than rage.
423
00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:45,542
I hope you'll come
to see that eventually.
424
00:22:45,542 --> 00:22:47,500
Don't hold your breath,
sugar tits.
425
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,667
I'll have a fire in my belly
till I'm dust in the wind.
426
00:22:53,750 --> 00:22:55,417
What a prick!
427
00:23:29,958 --> 00:23:31,833
Every police officer—
428
00:23:43,167 --> 00:23:45,000
{\an8}Police are
searching right now...
429
00:24:08,792 --> 00:24:09,958
Shut up!
430
00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:53,542
Oops.
431
00:25:58,542 --> 00:25:59,708
Huh?
432
00:26:10,375 --> 00:26:11,625
Steel here.
433
00:26:11,625 --> 00:26:13,458
Steel, the shit
just hit the fan!
434
00:26:13,458 --> 00:26:14,708
There's been 12 more attacks
435
00:26:14,708 --> 00:26:16,500
in the space of four minutes.
436
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,417
Plus, that guy
you arrested has escaped.
437
00:26:18,417 --> 00:26:20,417
- Maloney?
- Maloney.
438
00:26:20,417 --> 00:26:22,458
That guy is about
as useful as yesterday's piss!
439
00:26:22,458 --> 00:26:24,500
We think he might be
heading back to the hospital.
440
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,000
Get over there now.
441
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,625
Anything happens
to the Brownlow woman
442
00:26:27,625 --> 00:26:29,083
and the Governor
is gonna wall mount my ass
443
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:30,208
in his hunting lodge!
444
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,917
Lizard.
445
00:26:32,917 --> 00:26:35,333
Sometimes I worry about
that man's state of mind.
446
00:26:35,333 --> 00:26:37,417
Sir, your tits are crooked.
447
00:26:37,417 --> 00:26:39,625
Oh, thanks.
448
00:26:59,792 --> 00:27:02,250
Now you're going to get it.
449
00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:07,708
Who dares
to enter my dwelling place?
450
00:27:07,708 --> 00:27:11,458
It is I, foul wench,
Abraham Van Rental.
451
00:27:11,458 --> 00:27:14,083
I have returned to
send your cursed soul
452
00:27:14,083 --> 00:27:16,625
back to the boiling hell
from whence it came.
453
00:27:16,625 --> 00:27:18,625
Puny human fool!
454
00:27:18,667 --> 00:27:21,458
You shall never be
rid of my kind!
455
00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:24,417
As long as people
keep getting shit-faced
456
00:27:24,417 --> 00:27:27,708
they will be the prey
of the Trampire!
457
00:27:29,708 --> 00:27:32,833
Talking of which,
I'm dying of thirst.
458
00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:35,208
Have you been drinking today?
459
00:27:35,208 --> 00:27:37,875
Well I—I had a glass of wine
at lunchtime but that's all.
460
00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:40,750
That will have to suffice.
461
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,167
Come to me.
462
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:43,750
I thirst.
463
00:27:43,750 --> 00:27:45,958
You cannot mesmerize me!
I'm British!
464
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,208
I am yours, succubus.
465
00:27:58,292 --> 00:28:00,625
Oh, thank God!
466
00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:02,500
That crazy man is back!
467
00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:04,667
I—I think he's
trying to molest her!
468
00:28:04,667 --> 00:28:06,750
Okay, step back.
I'll handle this.
469
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:11,208
Freeze!
470
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:14,792
Damn you!
471
00:28:14,792 --> 00:28:17,292
I was about to get some.
472
00:28:17,292 --> 00:28:18,625
Ugh.
473
00:28:18,625 --> 00:28:20,083
No, It's not
what it looks like.
474
00:28:20,083 --> 00:28:21,708
- She is a—
- A Trampire. Yeah, I know.
475
00:28:21,708 --> 00:28:22,917
You believe me?
476
00:28:22,917 --> 00:28:24,583
I don't know
what I believe.
477
00:28:24,583 --> 00:28:25,917
All I know is there's
some weird shit going down
478
00:28:25,917 --> 00:28:27,500
and I can't explain it.
479
00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,583
So for now, everyone
stay calm and nobody move.
480
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:33,333
Is that supposed
to be funny?
481
00:28:33,333 --> 00:28:34,542
We are too late.
482
00:28:34,542 --> 00:28:36,000
She has already turned.
483
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,500
There is nothing
we can do for her now.
484
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:39,875
Come closer, pretty one,
485
00:28:39,917 --> 00:28:45,083
so that I may feast
on your exquisite veins.
486
00:28:45,083 --> 00:28:46,583
No thanks.
I gave at the office.
487
00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:49,250
You will pay
for your insolence!
488
00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:50,625
The check's in the mail.
489
00:28:50,625 --> 00:28:52,833
Let's get some
light in here.
490
00:28:52,833 --> 00:28:54,125
No!
491
00:28:54,125 --> 00:28:55,333
What the hell?
492
00:29:01,042 --> 00:29:02,167
Huh?
493
00:29:02,167 --> 00:29:03,750
Die, hell-bitch, die!
494
00:29:03,750 --> 00:29:05,375
Uh, okay, Doc, take it easy.
495
00:29:05,375 --> 00:29:08,542
The Master will
make you pay for this!
496
00:29:08,542 --> 00:29:11,083
- He is coming soon!
- Huh?
497
00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:14,792
You shall all pay
with your souls!
498
00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,667
Wait! Close the curtains!
499
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:23,611
Oh, shit!
500
00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:33,583
Oh, flaps.
501
00:29:33,583 --> 00:29:34,792
What's wrong?
502
00:29:34,792 --> 00:29:36,292
She spoke of the Master.
503
00:29:36,292 --> 00:29:38,375
This could be worse
than I thought.
504
00:29:41,333 --> 00:29:44,417
Well, she ain't gonna
tell us anything now.
505
00:29:46,375 --> 00:29:47,958
- Huh?
- Agh!
506
00:29:47,958 --> 00:29:49,542
Get it off me!
It's biting my nose!
507
00:29:49,542 --> 00:29:51,000
Get it off me!
508
00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:54,458
Help me!
509
00:29:55,458 --> 00:29:56,875
Hold still!
510
00:29:59,792 --> 00:30:01,000
Take it off!
511
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:06,875
Oh, God!
512
00:30:06,875 --> 00:30:08,958
Help me! Help me,
you great lummox!
513
00:30:11,250 --> 00:30:12,625
Now, this might hurt a little.
514
00:30:15,292 --> 00:30:16,375
Sorry.
515
00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:21,458
- Huh?
- Argh!
516
00:30:21,458 --> 00:30:22,917
Not the hair! Not the hair!
517
00:30:25,083 --> 00:30:27,125
Get it away from me!
518
00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:34,542
Huh?
519
00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:35,875
Mummy!
520
00:30:40,208 --> 00:30:41,500
Huh?
521
00:30:46,042 --> 00:30:48,125
I love you.
522
00:30:59,750 --> 00:31:01,542
Come on, you little bastard!
523
00:31:01,542 --> 00:31:02,708
I'll tan your ass!
524
00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:10,500
Huh?
525
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:11,917
I'm stuck!
526
00:31:11,917 --> 00:31:13,750
Yo! Bat thing!
527
00:31:14,750 --> 00:31:16,167
Come on.
528
00:31:22,167 --> 00:31:23,250
Eat lead!
529
00:31:26,667 --> 00:31:28,208
Do you like that, huh?
530
00:31:30,583 --> 00:31:32,417
Is that what you want?
531
00:31:33,875 --> 00:31:35,708
It's not
what it looks like.
532
00:31:35,708 --> 00:31:37,667
Somebody get some lube!
533
00:31:38,901 --> 00:31:40,250
What the fuck!
534
00:31:40,250 --> 00:31:41,500
Damn it, Steel!
535
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:42,583
That was our only witness!
536
00:31:42,583 --> 00:31:44,042
What in the hell happened?!
537
00:31:44,042 --> 00:31:45,958
Well, Captain, first she
turned into a Trampire
538
00:31:45,958 --> 00:31:47,500
so we opened the drapes.
539
00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:48,875
Then she turned into
a bat and bit my nose
540
00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:50,917
so I killed her with a pencil.
541
00:31:50,917 --> 00:31:53,417
What?! And how could you lose
another partner for Christ's sake!
542
00:31:53,417 --> 00:31:56,042
I just got my ass chewed out
by the Swedish ambassador!
543
00:31:56,042 --> 00:31:57,792
And he had a beard.
544
00:31:57,792 --> 00:32:00,042
Now that wasn't my fault.
She was a real clumsy broad.
545
00:32:00,042 --> 00:32:01,833
And what the hell
is it with your nose, Steel?
546
00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:03,792
You look like
Karl Malden on steroids!
547
00:32:03,792 --> 00:32:05,792
He has been bitten
by one of them!
548
00:32:05,792 --> 00:32:08,208
Soon, the poison will work
its way through his body.
549
00:32:08,208 --> 00:32:11,500
By midnight tonight he will have
become a creature of darkness
550
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:12,833
whose only goal is to attack
551
00:32:12,833 --> 00:32:14,958
drunk people
coming out of bars!
552
00:32:14,958 --> 00:32:16,708
Who the fuck is this guy?
553
00:32:16,708 --> 00:32:18,125
Look, it's a long story,
Captain.
554
00:32:18,125 --> 00:32:19,500
Just give me till midnight.
555
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:21,042
If I haven't found
this psycho by then,
556
00:32:21,042 --> 00:32:22,458
you can personally drive
a stake through my heart.
557
00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:24,500
- Liver.
- What?
558
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,750
To kill a Trampire, you must
pierce the liver, not the heart.
559
00:32:26,750 --> 00:32:27,875
Whatever.
560
00:32:27,875 --> 00:32:29,583
So what do you say, Captain?
561
00:32:29,583 --> 00:32:31,333
It's tempting, but I'm
sorry, Steel, not this time.
562
00:32:31,333 --> 00:32:33,208
You're off the case,
as of now.
563
00:32:33,208 --> 00:32:35,375
I'm putting you on security
detail at the circus tonight!
564
00:32:35,375 --> 00:32:36,583
To hell with that!
565
00:32:36,583 --> 00:32:38,083
I ain't no Goddamn clown!
566
00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:39,583
Steel, you're lucky
to get that!
567
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,417
I've just got
your psych report.
568
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:43,625
Dr. Cular says you've got too
many unresolved anger issues
569
00:32:43,625 --> 00:32:45,167
because of what happened
to your wife.
570
00:32:45,167 --> 00:32:47,958
How many times do
I have to tell you people?
571
00:32:47,958 --> 00:32:51,667
I do not have a
Goddamned anger problem!
572
00:32:53,833 --> 00:32:55,250
Damn it, Steel!
573
00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:57,083
You're the best
Goddamn cop on the force
574
00:32:57,083 --> 00:32:59,542
but when are you going to
realize it's not 1985 anymore!
575
00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:00,917
It's 1986!
576
00:33:00,917 --> 00:33:02,583
Now where was I?
577
00:33:02,583 --> 00:33:04,208
You were about to go
one round of "Face or Balls".
578
00:33:04,208 --> 00:33:05,625
I was?
579
00:33:05,625 --> 00:33:06,875
Sure you were.
You heard him, right?
580
00:33:06,875 --> 00:33:07,917
Um...
581
00:33:07,917 --> 00:33:09,000
Yes.
582
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,417
Uh, okay.
583
00:33:10,417 --> 00:33:12,042
It'll have to be face
this time.
584
00:33:12,042 --> 00:33:14,250
My prostate's pulsing
like a son of a bitch.
585
00:33:15,708 --> 00:33:17,375
You're gonna have
to tell me the rules
586
00:33:17,375 --> 00:33:19,208
to this game one day, Steel,
587
00:33:19,208 --> 00:33:21,167
'cause I'm sure I said face.
588
00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:22,375
Oh, sorry.
589
00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:27,292
Well, that should
buy us a few hours.
590
00:33:27,292 --> 00:33:28,833
Let's go.
I have a plan.
591
00:33:32,292 --> 00:33:33,875
Okay, Giggles, you're up!
592
00:33:35,917 --> 00:33:37,417
Let's get one thing straight.
593
00:33:37,417 --> 00:33:39,125
I don't like you.
594
00:33:39,125 --> 00:33:40,708
And before you start,
it's not because
595
00:33:40,708 --> 00:33:42,708
you're a Goddamn monkey
or any of that crap.
596
00:33:42,708 --> 00:33:44,542
The fact is
I don't much like anybody.
597
00:33:44,542 --> 00:33:45,958
I know what your thinking.
598
00:33:45,958 --> 00:33:47,542
Your thinking
this tough exterior
599
00:33:47,542 --> 00:33:49,500
is just my way of breaking
in a new partner.
600
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,917
And then after a while
the bickering
601
00:33:50,917 --> 00:33:52,833
and mutual dislike
of each other...
602
00:33:56,583 --> 00:33:58,958
This is your plan?
Get shit-faced?
603
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,167
Bait, dear boy.
604
00:34:00,167 --> 00:34:02,042
If we can consume
enough alcohol
605
00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:04,417
then we might be able to lure
the Trampires out of hiding.
606
00:34:04,417 --> 00:34:07,208
At least,
that's usually how it works.
607
00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:08,750
What are you talking about?
608
00:34:08,792 --> 00:34:11,583
Ancient scrolls tell
of a mythical Trampire
609
00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:13,125
known as The Master.
610
00:34:13,125 --> 00:34:15,375
He is prophesied to
be able to hold his drink
611
00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:17,167
a lot better than the others.
612
00:34:17,167 --> 00:34:19,333
The scrolls also state that
this "Leader of Trampires"
613
00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:21,375
will attempt to bring
about the "Lock-in"
614
00:34:21,375 --> 00:34:23,125
an ancient curse
that will turn the skies
615
00:34:23,125 --> 00:34:24,583
to an eternal night
616
00:34:24,583 --> 00:34:27,083
and transform water
into cheap cider.
617
00:34:27,083 --> 00:34:30,208
The resultant darkness will cause mass
depression amongst the peoples of the world
618
00:34:30,208 --> 00:34:33,042
and nearly everyone
will start drinking heavily,
619
00:34:33,042 --> 00:34:35,875
creating a never-ending food
supply for the Trampires.
620
00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:38,792
The sober world
we know shall be no more!
621
00:34:38,792 --> 00:34:40,458
Jesus.
622
00:34:40,458 --> 00:34:42,625
There is also a legend
that tells of the chosen one,
623
00:34:42,625 --> 00:34:44,917
a man who will defeat
the Trampires once and for all.
624
00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:47,417
But personally I think
that bit is bullshit.
625
00:34:47,417 --> 00:34:49,458
So how do we
find this Master?
626
00:34:49,458 --> 00:34:51,500
Bait, dear boy, bait.
627
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:04,542
Hello?
628
00:35:04,542 --> 00:35:06,500
Steel, you here?
629
00:35:10,250 --> 00:35:11,917
Don't be a chicken,
Mr. Butterworth.
630
00:35:21,250 --> 00:35:22,792
Huh.
631
00:35:22,792 --> 00:35:25,333
I'll get my money one way
or another, you bum.
632
00:35:29,667 --> 00:35:30,792
Oh, shit!
633
00:35:40,875 --> 00:35:42,458
Oh, boy!
634
00:35:42,458 --> 00:35:44,750
Am I gonna have some
fun with this!
635
00:35:50,750 --> 00:35:52,292
Mr. Butterworth!
636
00:35:52,292 --> 00:35:54,375
Oh, my God!
637
00:35:54,375 --> 00:35:56,083
Wait! No!
638
00:35:57,750 --> 00:36:00,208
So how did you
get into this game, Doc?
639
00:36:00,208 --> 00:36:01,458
Hunting Trampires, I mean.
640
00:36:03,042 --> 00:36:05,375
It's been a family
business for centuries.
641
00:36:05,375 --> 00:36:07,375
My father hunted Trampires,
642
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:12,375
as did his father before him,
and his father before him—
643
00:36:12,417 --> 00:36:14,208
And his father before him.
644
00:36:14,208 --> 00:36:15,542
Yeah, I get the picture.
645
00:36:15,542 --> 00:36:17,417
No, his father was a plumber.
646
00:36:18,792 --> 00:36:21,083
So what about you,
647
00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:23,417
is there a Mrs. Steel?
648
00:36:23,417 --> 00:36:25,208
I don't want to talk about it.
649
00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,625
Okay.
650
00:36:28,125 --> 00:36:30,333
God, I loved that woman!
651
00:36:30,333 --> 00:36:32,125
What happened?
652
00:36:32,125 --> 00:36:34,333
Oh, uh, she died.
653
00:36:34,333 --> 00:36:36,542
- What?!
- Murdered by a ninja asshole
654
00:36:36,542 --> 00:36:38,250
by the name of Akumu.
655
00:36:38,250 --> 00:36:39,708
What a bummer!
656
00:36:39,708 --> 00:36:41,375
Damn straight!
657
00:36:41,375 --> 00:36:42,875
Damn you, Akumu!
658
00:36:42,875 --> 00:36:44,917
Damn you!
659
00:36:44,917 --> 00:36:47,083
Can I just say,
660
00:36:47,083 --> 00:36:50,042
you have the biggest penis
I've ever seen on a man.
661
00:36:50,562 --> 00:36:51,375
I know.
662
00:36:54,958 --> 00:36:56,125
Huh?
663
00:36:57,917 --> 00:36:59,375
You motherfu...
664
00:37:02,792 --> 00:37:07,958
We're going to walk the streets
looking for tramps.
665
00:37:07,958 --> 00:37:10,083
Whatever floats
your boat, buddy.
666
00:37:10,083 --> 00:37:12,125
Ah!
667
00:37:12,125 --> 00:37:14,708
Clowns.
668
00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:34,917
- Hey!
- Sorry!
669
00:37:49,417 --> 00:37:51,083
Ow! Ah!
670
00:37:51,083 --> 00:37:52,292
Don't so drugs!
671
00:37:56,958 --> 00:37:58,042
Yeah.
672
00:38:01,958 --> 00:38:03,958
Why would you do that?
673
00:38:03,958 --> 00:38:05,458
Sorry!
674
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:18,542
There he is! Get him!
675
00:38:18,542 --> 00:38:21,125
Leave me alone!
676
00:38:30,792 --> 00:38:32,333
Fuck it!
677
00:38:32,333 --> 00:38:33,917
It's no good.
678
00:38:33,917 --> 00:38:36,083
My hangover's kicking in
and we ain't found squat.
679
00:38:37,792 --> 00:38:39,792
There is one thing we can try
680
00:38:39,792 --> 00:38:42,167
but you're not
going to like it.
681
00:38:42,167 --> 00:38:43,458
Fifty bucks
682
00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:45,667
and the monkey can watch.
683
00:38:49,333 --> 00:38:51,500
Thank you,
fair lady of the night.
684
00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:54,458
You guys are into
some kinky shit.
685
00:38:57,208 --> 00:38:59,167
Goddamn perverts everywhere.
686
00:38:59,167 --> 00:39:01,167
You can come out now.
She's gone.
687
00:39:05,208 --> 00:39:08,083
I am seriously not
happy about this!
688
00:39:08,083 --> 00:39:10,792
Statistically, the Trampires
attack drunken couples
689
00:39:10,792 --> 00:39:12,542
more than any other
demographic.
690
00:39:12,542 --> 00:39:14,417
I still don't see why
I had to wear the dress?
691
00:39:14,417 --> 00:39:16,625
Well, I couldn't pull that off.
Not with my legs.
692
00:39:16,625 --> 00:39:18,625
Besides, there's no
time to argue.
693
00:39:18,625 --> 00:39:19,958
Time is
running out for you.
694
00:39:19,958 --> 00:39:21,292
So now what?
695
00:39:21,292 --> 00:39:23,375
Now we walk. And we wait.
696
00:39:25,083 --> 00:39:28,583
Bloody hell! That worked
quicker than I anticipated.
697
00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:30,250
Back, servant of twilight!
Back!
698
00:39:32,375 --> 00:39:34,208
Quickly! We must not
lose sight of him.
699
00:39:34,208 --> 00:39:35,708
He may lead us to the nest!
700
00:39:35,708 --> 00:39:38,000
Jesus. How do you
walk in these things?!
701
00:39:46,458 --> 00:39:48,167
Give me your truck!
702
00:39:48,167 --> 00:39:49,542
Bite me!
703
00:39:49,542 --> 00:39:52,958
He bit me!
704
00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:54,708
He's getting away!
705
00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:56,542
Come on!
706
00:40:03,292 --> 00:40:04,583
Fucking shoes!
707
00:40:06,477 --> 00:40:08,208
Come on.
Don't dilly dally.
708
00:40:09,958 --> 00:40:11,208
Give me my clothes.
709
00:40:11,208 --> 00:40:13,208
I need to change
out of this shit.
710
00:40:13,208 --> 00:40:15,292
Oh, uh, I'm afraid
I dropped them in the alley.
711
00:40:15,292 --> 00:40:16,833
You asshole!
712
00:40:29,708 --> 00:40:32,625
I think we might be
on to something here, you know.
713
00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:39,458
If I'm not mistaken, this could
well be the Trampires lair.
714
00:40:41,167 --> 00:40:43,126
Gee. You reckon?
715
00:41:02,208 --> 00:41:03,583
What the hell?
716
00:41:10,083 --> 00:41:12,542
It looks like freshman
week at Betty Ford's.
717
00:41:13,051 --> 00:41:14,219
This is definitely the nest.
718
00:41:14,375 --> 00:41:16,500
But there's more
of them than usual.
719
00:41:20,774 --> 00:41:22,500
Look.
It's Harold Brownlow.
720
00:41:22,500 --> 00:41:24,000
He looks like shit.
721
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,083
It is too
late for him I'm afraid.
722
00:41:26,083 --> 00:41:27,625
He is one of them now.
723
00:41:44,958 --> 00:41:46,250
What the hell?
724
00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:47,875
- You know her?
- Sure.
725
00:41:47,875 --> 00:41:49,500
She's the department shrink!
726
00:41:49,500 --> 00:41:51,625
It looks like she's
much more than that.
727
00:41:51,625 --> 00:41:55,125
It looks like
she is The Master.
728
00:41:55,125 --> 00:41:57,250
But she can't be!
I've seen her in daylight.
729
00:41:57,250 --> 00:41:58,667
She didn't even
break a sweat.
730
00:41:58,667 --> 00:42:00,292
The scrolls tell us
that the Master
731
00:42:00,292 --> 00:42:02,083
is stronger
than the others.
732
00:42:02,083 --> 00:42:03,792
To kill him, or her,
733
00:42:03,792 --> 00:42:06,375
you must use three methods
within a 15 minute window.
734
00:42:06,375 --> 00:42:08,417
For example, a stake
through the liver
735
00:42:08,417 --> 00:42:10,083
in broad daylight
whilst hosing him
736
00:42:10,083 --> 00:42:12,917
or her down with Holy coffee.
737
00:42:12,917 --> 00:42:15,625
Are you making this
shit up as you go?!
738
00:42:18,417 --> 00:42:20,792
Thank you, my brothers.
739
00:42:20,792 --> 00:42:24,125
It warms the blood to see
so many of you here tonight.
740
00:42:24,125 --> 00:42:26,167
It has been a long road
741
00:42:26,167 --> 00:42:29,125
but our journey's
nearly at an end.
742
00:42:29,125 --> 00:42:32,917
The task of sabotaging
the L.A.P.D. is now complete.
743
00:42:32,917 --> 00:42:37,125
Their heads are now so full
of meaningless psychobabble
744
00:42:37,125 --> 00:42:39,875
that when it comes
to the final battle,
745
00:42:39,875 --> 00:42:43,458
they will be unable
to protect the Puritan.
746
00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:47,917
Believe it or not,
747
00:42:47,917 --> 00:42:50,917
some of the poor saps
even began cross dressing!
748
00:42:55,417 --> 00:42:57,625
Not a Goddamn word.
749
00:42:57,625 --> 00:43:00,875
Tonight, we will drink
the blood of the Puritan,
750
00:43:00,875 --> 00:43:02,917
the "Lock-In"
will come to pass
751
00:43:02,917 --> 00:43:05,583
and we shall
reign over the humans
752
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,333
and reclaim the glory of
our forefathers.
753
00:43:10,375 --> 00:43:12,125
So who's this Puritan guy?
754
00:43:12,125 --> 00:43:14,292
The scrolls speak
of a sworn enemy of
755
00:43:14,292 --> 00:43:16,333
the Trampires
called the Puritan
756
00:43:16,333 --> 00:43:18,125
a man of great social standing
757
00:43:18,125 --> 00:43:20,208
who threatens
their way of life.
758
00:43:20,208 --> 00:43:22,042
If memory serves me correctly,
759
00:43:22,042 --> 00:43:23,667
he must be sacrificed
at midnight,
760
00:43:23,667 --> 00:43:26,542
in a public arena,
to bring about the "Lock-In".
761
00:43:26,542 --> 00:43:29,167
They've been calling Governor
Atkins a Puritan on the news a lot
762
00:43:29,167 --> 00:43:31,458
he's been clamping down
on liquor licenses.
763
00:43:31,458 --> 00:43:33,292
If there's less drunk
people on the streets,
764
00:43:33,292 --> 00:43:35,625
the Trampires food supply
would dwindle.
765
00:43:35,625 --> 00:43:37,250
That's bound
to piss them right off.
766
00:43:37,250 --> 00:43:39,667
Atkins is attending
a charity event tonight.
767
00:43:39,667 --> 00:43:41,667
They're going to
hit him at the circus.
768
00:43:41,667 --> 00:43:43,708
- Oh, shit.
- What is it?
769
00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:44,958
My wife is...
770
00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:46,125
What?
771
00:43:46,125 --> 00:43:47,583
...um, dead.
My wife is dead.
772
00:43:47,583 --> 00:43:48,958
Killed by ninjas.
773
00:43:48,958 --> 00:43:50,375
I know. You said.
774
00:43:50,375 --> 00:43:52,583
Let us pack up
our cardboard coffins
775
00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:54,958
for the final time,
my brothers.
776
00:43:54,958 --> 00:43:58,833
Our destiny awaits us
at the strike of midnight!
777
00:43:58,833 --> 00:44:00,792
They're gonna leave.
778
00:44:00,792 --> 00:44:02,417
We gotta do something!
779
00:44:02,417 --> 00:44:05,125
Will you keep still.
They're gonna see us.
780
00:44:05,125 --> 00:44:07,250
Um, Chuck, I fear
we may have
781
00:44:07,250 --> 00:44:09,083
a situation developing.
782
00:44:10,375 --> 00:44:11,500
Huh?
783
00:44:12,708 --> 00:44:14,167
Help me.
784
00:44:14,167 --> 00:44:16,125
Get him off me!
785
00:44:16,250 --> 00:44:18,417
Will you keep still?!
I'm trying to get a grip!
786
00:44:18,417 --> 00:44:20,542
He's all sweaty.
787
00:44:20,542 --> 00:44:23,125
I can feel his helmet
through my britches!
788
00:44:23,125 --> 00:44:25,083
Quit squirming,
will you?
789
00:44:25,083 --> 00:44:26,917
Pull him off!
790
00:44:26,958 --> 00:44:28,917
I don't think he needs
any help in that department!
791
00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:31,125
Will you
just shoot the bastard?
792
00:44:31,125 --> 00:44:32,167
Eat this!
793
00:44:35,500 --> 00:44:37,250
I think they
might've heard that.
794
00:44:48,667 --> 00:44:50,958
Okay, you hell bastards!
Let's dance!
795
00:44:50,958 --> 00:44:53,792
Officer Steel,
what a pleasant surprise.
796
00:44:53,792 --> 00:44:55,750
Nice outfit.
797
00:44:55,750 --> 00:44:58,208
Looks like my sessions with you
have had an affect after all.
798
00:44:58,208 --> 00:44:59,667
This old thing?
799
00:44:59,667 --> 00:45:02,333
Unhand me, you
malodorous mendicants!
800
00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:04,750
As for you,
you interfering little shit!
801
00:45:04,750 --> 00:45:07,167
Your forefathers have
caused me no end of hassle
802
00:45:07,208 --> 00:45:09,083
over the centuries!
803
00:45:09,083 --> 00:45:11,708
How does it feel to know you
will be the last of your kind!
804
00:45:11,708 --> 00:45:14,042
Ah! That's what
you think, homunculus!
805
00:45:14,042 --> 00:45:16,833
Why even as we speak,
my 15 year old grandson Algernon
806
00:45:16,833 --> 00:45:18,958
is in training
to take over my mantle.
807
00:45:18,958 --> 00:45:21,083
If he can just
stop masturbating long enough.
808
00:45:21,083 --> 00:45:23,167
Cease your prattling, fool!
809
00:45:23,167 --> 00:45:25,708
Give it up, lady, We know about
your plan to kill the Governor.
810
00:45:25,708 --> 00:45:27,292
You'll never get away with it.
811
00:45:27,292 --> 00:45:29,292
Oh, I will, Officer Steel.
812
00:45:29,292 --> 00:45:30,958
It is my destiny.
813
00:45:30,958 --> 00:45:32,750
It's your destiny
to be locked in a rubber room
814
00:45:32,750 --> 00:45:35,042
with a box of crayons,
you crazy bitch!
815
00:45:35,042 --> 00:45:38,000
Well you're not exactly playing
with a full deck now are you?
816
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,792
Not since your
wife left you.
817
00:45:40,792 --> 00:45:42,250
Huh?!
818
00:45:42,250 --> 00:45:45,750
I thought your wife
was killed by ninjas?
819
00:45:45,750 --> 00:45:48,000
He fed you that story,
too, did he?
820
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,042
The elusive ninja master Akumu,
821
00:45:50,042 --> 00:45:53,708
arch nemesis of the legend
that is Chuck Steel!
822
00:45:55,833 --> 00:45:57,792
All lies I'm afraid.
823
00:45:57,792 --> 00:45:59,833
The truth is a little more
824
00:45:59,833 --> 00:46:01,583
human, shall we say.
825
00:46:01,583 --> 00:46:03,792
Where the hell
did you get that?
826
00:46:03,792 --> 00:46:06,667
Oh, it's amazing how helpful
your landlord could be
827
00:46:06,667 --> 00:46:08,792
with my teeth clamped
round his throat.
828
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:12,125
- "Dear Chuck...
- Oh, God, no!
829
00:46:12,125 --> 00:46:14,042
"...I know this
might come as a surprise,
830
00:46:14,042 --> 00:46:15,708
"but I'm leaving you.
831
00:46:15,708 --> 00:46:17,875
"You're a misogynistic,
Neanderthal, asshole
832
00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:20,792
"with stupid hair
and a laughably oversized chin
833
00:46:20,792 --> 00:46:22,958
"that looks like
a loaf of bread.
834
00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:24,542
"I've met someone else.
835
00:46:24,542 --> 00:46:26,125
"His name is Barney.
836
00:46:26,125 --> 00:46:28,375
"He works at a world
renowned traveling circus
837
00:46:28,375 --> 00:46:30,792
as their premier
clown in residence."
838
00:46:30,833 --> 00:46:33,042
Shut up, damn it!
Shut up!
839
00:46:33,042 --> 00:46:35,583
"He's a giant in the
world of physical comedy,
840
00:46:35,583 --> 00:46:39,667
"an expert unicyclist and a better
lover than you could ever be.
841
00:46:39,667 --> 00:46:41,958
Please, no more.
842
00:46:46,250 --> 00:46:48,375
"P.S. Don't try to find me
843
00:46:48,375 --> 00:46:50,792
or Barney will set
the lions on you."
844
00:46:53,750 --> 00:46:55,750
His wife
left him for a clown!
845
00:46:55,750 --> 00:46:58,000
Please, God, make it stop!
846
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,708
Oh, you poor bastard.
847
00:47:00,708 --> 00:47:03,792
I swear to God, I am going
to kill every last one of you
848
00:47:03,792 --> 00:47:06,375
dirty stinking mother f...
849
00:47:09,125 --> 00:47:10,458
Fuckers!
850
00:47:10,715 --> 00:47:11,958
Night-night.
851
00:47:14,125 --> 00:47:16,792
Steel!
852
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:18,125
Huh?
853
00:47:20,167 --> 00:47:22,292
Hello.
854
00:47:25,625 --> 00:47:28,708
Welcome back to
the land of the living, Officer Steel.
855
00:47:28,708 --> 00:47:31,167
While you were out,
we force fed your friend
856
00:47:31,167 --> 00:47:32,875
three bottles of cheap whiskey
857
00:47:32,875 --> 00:47:34,958
and he is now
completely hammered.
858
00:47:34,958 --> 00:47:37,375
Let's go to a club.
859
00:47:37,375 --> 00:47:39,583
And since your nose
is no longer swollen,
860
00:47:39,583 --> 00:47:42,458
we know that the toxins
are now in your system.
861
00:47:42,458 --> 00:47:45,292
Soon the cravings will begin
and your friend
862
00:47:45,292 --> 00:47:47,375
will look more appealing
to you than a trolley dash
863
00:47:47,375 --> 00:47:49,083
in a liquor store.
864
00:47:49,083 --> 00:47:51,083
You will feast on his blood
865
00:47:51,083 --> 00:47:53,208
and your transformation
will be complete.
866
00:47:53,208 --> 00:47:56,083
Son of a bitch!
867
00:47:56,083 --> 00:47:58,083
But I'm not a monster.
868
00:47:58,083 --> 00:48:00,500
You're probably going to need
some therapy after this
869
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:03,125
so I've left my business
card with Steve here.
870
00:48:06,458 --> 00:48:07,667
Call me.
871
00:48:07,667 --> 00:48:09,792
Anytime.
872
00:48:14,750 --> 00:48:16,167
I like him.
873
00:48:16,167 --> 00:48:17,375
He's silly.
874
00:48:18,458 --> 00:48:19,417
Hmm.
875
00:48:21,042 --> 00:48:23,083
I was enjoying that.
876
00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:48,958
Psst. Chuck.
877
00:48:48,958 --> 00:48:51,125
Fear not. I'm not
actually that drunk.
878
00:48:51,125 --> 00:48:53,958
As part of my training I learned
to pass alcohol through my system
879
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,792
so fast that
it has minimal effect.
880
00:48:56,792 --> 00:48:58,708
The only downside is
the cost of the dry cleaning.
881
00:48:58,708 --> 00:49:00,875
Ugh.
882
00:49:00,875 --> 00:49:02,375
Leave me. Get away.
883
00:49:02,375 --> 00:49:04,042
Listen, Doc,
you have to kill me.
884
00:49:04,042 --> 00:49:06,000
I'm going to turn into one
of them any time now.
885
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,875
Come on, old boy.
Snap out of it.
886
00:49:07,875 --> 00:49:09,375
That's easy for you to say.
887
00:49:09,375 --> 00:49:11,292
My reputation
is shot to shit.
888
00:49:11,292 --> 00:49:14,042
Being the best Goddamn cop
on the force is what I do.
889
00:49:14,083 --> 00:49:16,375
It's who I am.
Without that I'm nothing.
890
00:49:16,375 --> 00:49:17,875
Nonsense, my boy.
891
00:49:17,875 --> 00:49:19,667
Here drink some of this.
892
00:49:19,667 --> 00:49:21,833
- What is it?
- A secret elixir
893
00:49:21,833 --> 00:49:23,917
that helps stave off
the symptoms for a while.
894
00:49:23,917 --> 00:49:25,958
Why didn't you
mention this before?
895
00:49:25,958 --> 00:49:27,958
It is only to be consumed
in an emergency
896
00:49:27,958 --> 00:49:29,917
as it only works
once I'm afraid.
897
00:49:29,917 --> 00:49:33,583
It's made up of a mixture of
tomato juice and Alka-Seltzer.
898
00:49:33,583 --> 00:49:35,708
Oh, and pulverized
giraffe sphincters.
899
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,125
Oh, bugger.
900
00:49:41,917 --> 00:49:43,500
Put 'em up, you bounder!
901
00:50:24,917 --> 00:50:27,042
Steve, you fucking prick!
902
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,542
I'm starting to get agitated!
903
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:45,583
- How do you feel?
- Okay, I think.
904
00:50:45,583 --> 00:50:47,958
Good. The elixir
has bought us a few hours.
905
00:50:47,958 --> 00:50:50,625
We need to get to the circus
before the show starts.
906
00:50:50,625 --> 00:50:53,333
Yo! Giggles,
let's blow this shitbox!
907
00:50:53,333 --> 00:50:55,958
You know, when he isn't
throwing his turds around,
908
00:50:55,958 --> 00:50:58,417
he's a damn good partner.
909
00:50:59,750 --> 00:51:01,042
Giggles!
910
00:51:03,875 --> 00:51:04,917
No!
911
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:11,542
Ah!
912
00:51:12,667 --> 00:51:14,000
I need help!
913
00:51:17,833 --> 00:51:19,125
No!
914
00:51:23,792 --> 00:51:26,042
Chuck! Get to the circus!
915
00:51:26,042 --> 00:51:27,708
Save the Puritan!
916
00:51:27,708 --> 00:51:29,792
But first. I'd change into
something less slutty
917
00:51:29,792 --> 00:51:31,125
if I were you!
918
00:51:31,125 --> 00:51:32,417
God damn it!
919
00:51:37,375 --> 00:51:39,125
Oh, I can see my hotel!
920
00:51:49,708 --> 00:51:50,958
What the hell?
921
00:51:54,852 --> 00:51:56,083
"If you're reading
this then I'm guessing
922
00:51:56,083 --> 00:51:58,083
"there's a higher
than average chance
923
00:51:58,083 --> 00:51:59,958
"that Mr. Giggles is fubarred.
924
00:51:59,958 --> 00:52:02,125
"So, in an effort to get ahead
of the game with this situation
925
00:52:02,125 --> 00:52:05,958
"here's your new partner,
you psychotic son of a bitch.
926
00:52:05,958 --> 00:52:07,750
Oh, not this shit again.
927
00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:09,583
"This is your
last chance, Steel.
928
00:52:09,583 --> 00:52:12,333
"Fuck this up and I swear
your ass is history!
929
00:52:12,333 --> 00:52:15,333
P.S. If you're coming back to the office,
can you pick up some milk? We're all out."
930
00:52:15,333 --> 00:52:17,458
Son of a bitch!
931
00:52:26,542 --> 00:52:27,458
Huh?
932
00:52:27,458 --> 00:52:28,750
What the hell?
933
00:52:28,750 --> 00:52:30,167
That was here
when I moved in.
934
00:52:30,167 --> 00:52:32,000
Where's my rent?
935
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,042
Listen to me, Gussman, you've
been bitten by a Trampire.
936
00:52:34,042 --> 00:52:36,417
Pretty soon all you'll want to do
is drink the blood of drunk people
937
00:52:36,417 --> 00:52:39,417
and spend the daylight hours hiding
in a cardboard box on Shit Street.
938
00:52:39,417 --> 00:52:41,083
Now if you let me
get my crossbow
939
00:52:41,125 --> 00:52:43,833
and get out of this skirt,
there's still time to fix this.
940
00:52:43,833 --> 00:52:45,625
You Goddamn pervert!
941
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:49,542
No!
942
00:53:00,083 --> 00:53:01,125
Oh, shit.
943
00:53:17,583 --> 00:53:18,917
Huh?
944
00:53:18,917 --> 00:53:20,792
This is coming out
of your deposit!
945
00:53:20,833 --> 00:53:22,292
Deposit this!
946
00:53:30,542 --> 00:53:32,167
There's never anything on TV!
947
00:53:36,875 --> 00:53:38,333
Oh, shit!
948
00:53:38,333 --> 00:53:40,417
Destructive sequence initiated.
949
00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:46,625
Huh?
950
00:53:48,833 --> 00:53:49,875
Huh?
951
00:53:51,667 --> 00:53:53,208
You gotta be shitting me!
952
00:53:53,208 --> 00:53:55,167
Give us a kiss!
Give us a kiss!
953
00:53:59,167 --> 00:54:00,500
Huh?
954
00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:02,167
Give us a kiss!
Give us a kiss!
955
00:54:03,417 --> 00:54:05,125
Fuck you, Butterworth!
956
00:54:05,958 --> 00:54:06,958
Huh.
957
00:54:09,125 --> 00:54:10,833
- Seven, six...
- Give us a kiss!
958
00:54:13,833 --> 00:54:14,875
Huh?
959
00:54:14,875 --> 00:54:16,417
Oh, give me a fucking break!
960
00:54:16,417 --> 00:54:18,833
Three, two, one...
961
00:54:18,833 --> 00:54:19,833
Have a nice day.
962
00:54:26,875 --> 00:54:29,167
Whoa!
963
00:54:57,792 --> 00:55:00,333
Okay, let's get
one thing straight.
964
00:55:01,208 --> 00:55:02,917
I don't like you.
965
00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,708
Huh?
966
00:55:19,708 --> 00:55:21,375
I peed my pants!
967
00:55:27,333 --> 00:55:30,208
Easy there, son,
you've had quite a knock.
968
00:55:30,208 --> 00:55:31,833
Where am I?
969
00:55:31,833 --> 00:55:33,167
Who are you people?
970
00:55:33,167 --> 00:55:34,417
Name's Dora.
971
00:55:34,417 --> 00:55:36,292
This here's Bum Central.
972
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:38,125
It's not much but it's home.
973
00:55:40,583 --> 00:55:42,042
Ooh.
974
00:55:49,458 --> 00:55:50,833
How did I get here?
975
00:55:50,833 --> 00:55:52,208
Stretch over there,
976
00:55:52,208 --> 00:55:54,250
he's been watching me
for awhile now.
977
00:55:54,250 --> 00:55:55,917
I know you, don't I?
978
00:55:55,917 --> 00:55:57,375
Howdy, son.
979
00:55:59,042 --> 00:56:00,292
Why do they call you Stretch?
980
00:56:00,292 --> 00:56:01,958
Huh? Oh.
981
00:56:01,958 --> 00:56:04,000
'Cause I hide all my loose
change in my foreskin.
982
00:56:08,292 --> 00:56:11,375
Just don't ask where
he keeps his wallet.
983
00:56:11,706 --> 00:56:12,875
I heard that!
984
00:56:16,417 --> 00:56:18,167
Is that my stuff?
985
00:56:18,167 --> 00:56:20,083
What are they doing?
986
00:56:20,083 --> 00:56:21,625
Wooden-tipped bullets.
987
00:56:21,625 --> 00:56:23,125
They are making
a few modifications.
988
00:56:23,125 --> 00:56:24,875
I hope you don't mind.
989
00:56:26,708 --> 00:56:28,875
Here we found this, too.
990
00:56:37,208 --> 00:56:39,333
From someone special, huh?
991
00:56:39,333 --> 00:56:41,583
It's all I have left
of my wife.
992
00:56:41,583 --> 00:56:42,708
I'm sorry.
993
00:56:42,708 --> 00:56:43,833
Did she die?
994
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,083
Nah.
995
00:56:45,083 --> 00:56:47,417
She left me for
a circus clown.
996
00:56:52,542 --> 00:56:54,083
What's their problem?
997
00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:55,625
They know you've been bit.
998
00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:57,958
Wondering how come
you ain't turned yet.
999
00:56:57,958 --> 00:57:00,208
A friend of mine gave me, uh...
1000
00:57:00,208 --> 00:57:02,042
Wait a second. You know?
1001
00:57:02,042 --> 00:57:03,833
About the Trampires?
1002
00:57:03,833 --> 00:57:06,500
Come with me, son,
you need to see something.
1003
00:57:14,083 --> 00:57:15,542
This way.
1004
00:57:21,625 --> 00:57:23,500
Look, in the mural.
1005
00:57:23,500 --> 00:57:24,917
It's you.
1006
00:57:31,125 --> 00:57:33,833
This lone wolf bullshit of
yours has gone on long enough.
1007
00:57:33,833 --> 00:57:36,083
Giggles!
1008
00:57:36,083 --> 00:57:38,958
The Master
will make you pay for this.
1009
00:57:38,958 --> 00:57:41,042
He is coming.
1010
00:57:42,333 --> 00:57:45,750
I love you.
1011
00:57:45,750 --> 00:57:47,417
No!
1012
00:57:47,417 --> 00:57:50,125
I can feel
his helmet through my britches!
1013
00:57:50,125 --> 00:57:51,875
This is your
last chance, Steel.
1014
00:57:51,875 --> 00:57:53,917
Fuck this up, and
I swear your ass is history!
1015
00:57:56,625 --> 00:57:57,792
Huh?
1016
00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:06,583
What the fuck
is that?
1017
00:58:06,583 --> 00:58:07,958
We call him
The Wise One.
1018
00:58:07,958 --> 00:58:09,833
He's been down here
for 30 years,
1019
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:11,667
ever since he was fired
from Goldman Sachs
1020
00:58:11,667 --> 00:58:13,708
for taking a shit
in the elevator.
1021
00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:15,167
Is it him?
1022
00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:19,958
Is one of you gonna tell me
what the fuck is going on here?
1023
00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:22,458
The legend speaks of a man
1024
00:58:22,458 --> 00:58:24,750
who will fall from the skies
1025
00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:29,125
with the tools that can bring
about the Trampires destruction.
1026
00:58:41,375 --> 00:58:42,917
Oh, my God!
1027
00:58:42,917 --> 00:58:46,083
You are the chosen one,
1028
00:58:46,083 --> 00:58:49,083
my friend.
1029
00:58:49,083 --> 00:58:51,208
We're going to
the circus, fudge suckers!
1030
00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:52,708
Mind your fucking language!
1031
00:58:54,875 --> 00:58:57,625
And here we see
Governor Atkins arriving
1032
00:58:57,625 --> 00:58:59,417
at tonight's charity event.
1033
00:58:59,417 --> 00:59:02,750
Indeed this whole midnight show
was the Governor's idea
1034
00:59:02,750 --> 00:59:06,917
as a way as a way to highlight the
plight of the homeless on our streets.
1035
00:59:06,917 --> 00:59:09,292
He truly is
a man of the people.
1036
00:59:19,208 --> 00:59:20,958
Who's here again?
1037
00:59:20,958 --> 00:59:23,042
Some of these poor
bastards aren't gonna
1038
00:59:23,042 --> 00:59:24,333
make it through tonight.
1039
00:59:24,333 --> 00:59:26,292
Son, some of these
poor bastards
1040
00:59:26,292 --> 00:59:27,875
weren't gonna make it
through to breakfast.
1041
00:59:31,833 --> 00:59:33,958
The prophecy begins.
1042
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:48,250
Huh?
1043
00:59:53,667 --> 00:59:56,750
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1044
01:00:04,542 --> 01:00:06,542
Wait! Wait! Come back!
1045
01:00:06,542 --> 01:00:08,542
There's been
a terrible mistake!
1046
01:00:13,125 --> 01:00:14,875
Oh.
1047
01:00:16,750 --> 01:00:17,875
Huh?
1048
01:00:17,875 --> 01:00:20,542
Uh, where the fuck is everyone?
1049
01:00:21,542 --> 01:00:23,792
We gonna rumble or what?
1050
01:00:24,833 --> 01:00:26,125
Shit.
1051
01:00:37,125 --> 01:00:40,583
Hey, Governor!
1052
01:00:40,583 --> 01:00:42,417
Sit down, you fat fuck!
1053
01:00:42,417 --> 01:00:44,375
This is Mother Hen
calling all stations.
1054
01:00:44,375 --> 01:00:46,917
- Check in.
- All clear on my end.
1055
01:00:46,917 --> 01:00:49,208
Back passage
ready for action.
1056
01:00:49,208 --> 01:00:51,750
I bought a balloon!
1057
01:00:55,708 --> 01:00:58,792
Nobody teabags
Abraham Van Rental!
1058
01:01:13,208 --> 01:01:14,917
I haven't thought
this through!
1059
01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,125
Oh, shit!
1060
01:01:22,958 --> 01:01:25,167
Feel my shaft,
ungodly swine!
1061
01:01:31,833 --> 01:01:33,667
Where is a pig's liver anyway?
1062
01:01:33,667 --> 01:01:36,333
Will you just fucking die?!
1063
01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:07,250
Smoky bacon!
1064
01:02:28,792 --> 01:02:30,833
- Who are these guys?
- And now, ladies and gentlemen.
1065
01:02:30,833 --> 01:02:32,375
Keep your nut down, darling.
1066
01:02:32,375 --> 01:02:36,208
The world famous Coco
and his Bunch of Clowns!
1067
01:02:47,417 --> 01:02:49,375
You bastards!
1068
01:02:52,375 --> 01:02:54,250
Ah. There's the rabble.
1069
01:02:57,458 --> 01:02:59,083
We're not going
to make it in time!
1070
01:02:59,083 --> 01:03:01,167
I need to get hold
of Jack somehow.
1071
01:03:02,750 --> 01:03:03,875
I got a phone!
1072
01:03:08,125 --> 01:03:09,458
Schitt here.
1073
01:03:09,458 --> 01:03:11,167
Captain, it's Steel.
Listen to me.
1074
01:03:11,167 --> 01:03:13,250
You've got to get the
Governor away from the circus!
1075
01:03:13,250 --> 01:03:15,333
What the hell are you
talking about, Steel?
1076
01:03:15,333 --> 01:03:16,792
Is the cheese plant with you?
1077
01:03:16,792 --> 01:03:18,250
- He didn't make it.
- That's it Steel!
1078
01:03:18,250 --> 01:03:20,292
You're officially
on suspension as of now.
1079
01:03:20,292 --> 01:03:22,917
Now would you just shut up
a second, you big fruit!
1080
01:03:22,917 --> 01:03:24,458
The shrink who's been
messing with your head.
1081
01:03:24,458 --> 01:03:26,583
She's the leader
of a group of vampire bums
1082
01:03:26,583 --> 01:03:29,417
called Trampires and she's
heading your way to kill the Governor.
1083
01:03:29,417 --> 01:03:30,833
The shrink was right.
1084
01:03:30,833 --> 01:03:33,167
You've finally gone over
the edge, Steel!
1085
01:03:33,167 --> 01:03:35,333
Now if you don't mind I'm trying to
watch the funny looking tramp clowns.
1086
01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:36,708
They've got pies
and everything.
1087
01:03:36,708 --> 01:03:38,250
What did you say?
1088
01:03:38,292 --> 01:03:39,833
- I said they've got pies and—
- No, the clowns!
1089
01:03:39,833 --> 01:03:41,333
What did you call them?
1090
01:03:41,333 --> 01:03:42,833
Tramps. You know,
more Charlie Chaplin
1091
01:03:42,833 --> 01:03:44,458
than Ronald McDonald.
1092
01:03:44,458 --> 01:03:46,125
Oh, my God!
1093
01:03:46,125 --> 01:03:47,958
You've got to get the
Governor out of there, Captain!
1094
01:03:47,958 --> 01:03:49,417
- Captain!
- Steel?
1095
01:03:49,417 --> 01:03:51,042
Goddamn piece of shit!
1096
01:03:51,750 --> 01:03:52,875
Oh!
1097
01:04:08,583 --> 01:04:10,000
You asshole!
1098
01:04:22,458 --> 01:04:24,208
Is this a European circus?
1099
01:04:50,375 --> 01:04:52,042
Ooh, I've got the D.T.'s.
1100
01:05:09,417 --> 01:05:10,500
Oh, bollocks!
1101
01:05:10,500 --> 01:05:11,458
Huh?
1102
01:05:12,583 --> 01:05:14,417
Yep. Definitely French.
1103
01:05:19,125 --> 01:05:20,458
It's a dude!
1104
01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:22,708
Bring me the Puritan!
1105
01:05:25,625 --> 01:05:26,875
Huh?
1106
01:05:31,833 --> 01:05:33,875
Cameras.
1107
01:05:40,375 --> 01:05:42,333
I'm ready for my
next session, Doc.
1108
01:05:42,333 --> 01:05:43,958
No!
1109
01:05:45,208 --> 01:05:46,625
Yes!
1110
01:05:58,250 --> 01:06:00,417
Oh!
1111
01:06:21,417 --> 01:06:22,833
Fool!
1112
01:06:22,875 --> 01:06:25,458
We cannot be stopped
by just one man!
1113
01:06:25,458 --> 01:06:28,125
That's okay.
I don't work alone!
1114
01:06:39,250 --> 01:06:40,333
Fire!
1115
01:06:49,458 --> 01:06:50,625
What?
1116
01:07:01,042 --> 01:07:02,833
Sir, we have to get
you out of here now!
1117
01:07:02,833 --> 01:07:03,958
No shit!
1118
01:07:36,042 --> 01:07:37,208
Out of my way!
1119
01:08:01,792 --> 01:08:02,833
Huh?
1120
01:08:08,708 --> 01:08:10,333
Welcome to the party, Doc.
1121
01:08:10,333 --> 01:08:12,958
- I've got a splitting headache.
- Me, too!
1122
01:08:17,667 --> 01:08:18,750
Huh?
1123
01:08:33,292 --> 01:08:34,500
Is it safe?
1124
01:08:37,792 --> 01:08:39,833
Is it safe? Is it fuck!
1125
01:08:44,958 --> 01:08:46,125
Huh?
1126
01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:51,375
Come on!
1127
01:09:34,542 --> 01:09:35,625
Ooh.
1128
01:09:37,792 --> 01:09:39,125
Protect the Governor!
1129
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:46,042
Hang on.
1130
01:10:09,875 --> 01:10:11,000
Ow!
1131
01:10:12,083 --> 01:10:14,167
Oh, God. What have I done?
1132
01:10:17,125 --> 01:10:18,333
Maloney!
1133
01:10:22,667 --> 01:10:23,792
Fuck off!
1134
01:10:31,333 --> 01:10:32,958
Hold on, Maloney!
1135
01:10:32,958 --> 01:10:35,292
Don't you die on me!
You big dumb son of a bitch.
1136
01:10:35,292 --> 01:10:37,292
Do me a favor, Captain.
1137
01:10:37,292 --> 01:10:38,958
Tell my wife...
1138
01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:40,917
tell her I never
really loved her.
1139
01:10:40,917 --> 01:10:44,125
I only married her
to get close to her sister.
1140
01:10:44,125 --> 01:10:46,042
Will you do that for me, sir?
1141
01:10:46,042 --> 01:10:48,042
You can tell her
yourself, Maloney.
1142
01:10:48,042 --> 01:10:50,125
I don't think so sir.
1143
01:11:09,250 --> 01:11:10,458
Flaps!
1144
01:11:16,125 --> 01:11:18,208
Harry? Is that you?
1145
01:11:23,125 --> 01:11:24,917
God, please don't let me die.
1146
01:11:26,542 --> 01:11:28,125
Tally ho!
1147
01:11:44,125 --> 01:11:45,333
Bollocks.
1148
01:11:50,250 --> 01:11:52,542
Don't you know who I am?
1149
01:11:52,542 --> 01:11:53,958
He don't know jack shit!
1150
01:11:55,083 --> 01:11:56,292
He does now!
1151
01:12:08,250 --> 01:12:10,375
Ah!
1152
01:12:10,375 --> 01:12:11,500
Huh?
1153
01:12:13,458 --> 01:12:15,000
Good to have you back, Captain.
1154
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:16,458
Good to be back.
1155
01:12:16,458 --> 01:12:17,875
Those lace panties
were giving me thrush.
1156
01:12:17,875 --> 01:12:18,875
Huh?
1157
01:12:32,583 --> 01:12:34,125
What the hell is going on?
1158
01:12:34,125 --> 01:12:35,542
Who are these people?
1159
01:12:35,542 --> 01:12:37,750
We're the unwashed
masses, Mr. Governor.
1160
01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:39,875
And you owe us big time.
1161
01:12:39,875 --> 01:12:41,292
Ain't that right, Stretch?
1162
01:12:42,583 --> 01:12:44,250
Another one for the nest egg!
1163
01:12:47,583 --> 01:12:49,292
Ugh!
1164
01:12:51,875 --> 01:12:53,708
Oh, Stretch.
1165
01:12:56,125 --> 01:12:57,125
Ta-da!
1166
01:12:59,250 --> 01:13:00,792
No!
1167
01:13:12,708 --> 01:13:14,667
She can't be still alive!
1168
01:13:14,667 --> 01:13:16,958
I emptied a clip of wood-tipped
bullets into her liver!
1169
01:13:16,958 --> 01:13:19,917
You have to use three methods
within a 15-minute window.
1170
01:13:19,917 --> 01:13:20,958
Remember?
1171
01:13:20,958 --> 01:13:23,125
Join us!
1172
01:13:25,292 --> 01:13:26,958
Steel?
1173
01:13:26,958 --> 01:13:28,375
Get the Governor out of here!
I'll hold her off!
1174
01:13:28,375 --> 01:13:30,250
- Are you crazy?
- He's not crazy.
1175
01:13:30,250 --> 01:13:32,333
He's the best Goddamn cop
on the force.
1176
01:13:32,333 --> 01:13:34,083
He's also the chosen one.
1177
01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:36,792
Of course. That's why
you have such a big penis!
1178
01:13:37,958 --> 01:13:39,625
I'm just a cop!
1179
01:13:39,625 --> 01:13:42,167
Now get the hell out of here
and let me do my job.
1180
01:13:42,167 --> 01:13:43,375
Oh, no.
1181
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:44,833
The elixir has worn off.
1182
01:13:44,833 --> 01:13:46,500
The transformation is upon you.
1183
01:13:52,375 --> 01:13:54,833
Oh, my... God!
1184
01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:03,542
That's got to be the grossest
thing I've ever seen.
1185
01:14:03,542 --> 01:14:05,125
And I've got hemorrhoids!
1186
01:14:05,125 --> 01:14:06,333
Go! Now!
1187
01:14:06,333 --> 01:14:07,750
You heard the man, Schitt!
1188
01:14:07,750 --> 01:14:09,208
Get me out of here!
1189
01:14:12,250 --> 01:14:13,708
Hold on, Chuck!
1190
01:14:13,708 --> 01:14:15,792
There's still
time to save your soul!
1191
01:14:15,792 --> 01:14:17,375
Try to hold on to your...
1192
01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:20,750
Humanity.
1193
01:14:20,750 --> 01:14:22,417
Oh, rat's cocks!
1194
01:14:36,417 --> 01:14:38,958
Sober up, Satan spawn!
1195
01:14:40,583 --> 01:14:43,625
That's two out of three,
you sepulchral harlot!
1196
01:14:48,292 --> 01:14:49,833
Are we leaving or what?!
1197
01:15:17,292 --> 01:15:20,583
You are making
a big mistake lady!
1198
01:15:20,583 --> 01:15:24,042
Foolish mortal!
1199
01:15:24,042 --> 01:15:25,958
That's where you're wrong!
1200
01:15:43,667 --> 01:15:44,792
Huh?
1201
01:16:13,333 --> 01:16:14,917
What the hell
is happening now!?
1202
01:16:14,917 --> 01:16:16,333
You got me.
1203
01:16:16,333 --> 01:16:18,250
The scrolls never
mentioned this shit.
1204
01:16:39,375 --> 01:16:41,375
I told you he was
a fucking lizard!
1205
01:16:58,958 --> 01:17:01,417
This is our world!
1206
01:17:01,417 --> 01:17:02,958
Never!
1207
01:17:18,583 --> 01:17:21,167
Chuck! We still have
to protect the Puritan!
1208
01:17:21,208 --> 01:17:23,708
Even if he is a giant lizard!
1209
01:17:37,125 --> 01:17:39,083
Harryhausen!
1210
01:17:44,125 --> 01:17:46,375
Will you keep still,
you greasy freak?!
1211
01:17:55,417 --> 01:17:57,417
Motherfucking lasers!?
1212
01:18:00,042 --> 01:18:01,792
Oh, give me a fucking break!
1213
01:18:02,750 --> 01:18:04,292
Have no fear!
1214
01:18:04,292 --> 01:18:06,375
The Chosen One is here!
1215
01:18:06,375 --> 01:18:07,875
Hello.
1216
01:18:14,125 --> 01:18:15,375
Shit!
1217
01:18:41,875 --> 01:18:44,167
Reminds me of
my wedding night.
1218
01:19:05,833 --> 01:19:07,458
No! It cannot be!
1219
01:19:17,167 --> 01:19:18,833
That's strike three, bitch!
1220
01:19:25,417 --> 01:19:26,750
Time to die.
1221
01:19:28,208 --> 01:19:29,708
Huh? Maybe not!
1222
01:19:34,792 --> 01:19:36,375
Bingo!
1223
01:19:41,208 --> 01:19:42,750
Chuck, catch!
1224
01:19:50,125 --> 01:19:51,958
Now I'm agitated!
1225
01:20:18,542 --> 01:20:19,875
Come on!
1226
01:20:34,208 --> 01:20:36,458
This Schitt's getting
too old for this shit!
1227
01:20:38,417 --> 01:20:40,000
Huh?
1228
01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:41,708
- Chuck?
- Lucy?
1229
01:20:41,708 --> 01:20:43,042
Awkward.
1230
01:20:47,792 --> 01:20:49,167
Oh, shit!
1231
01:20:49,167 --> 01:20:51,167
We need to talk.
1232
01:21:03,708 --> 01:21:05,250
Whoa! Giant lizard!
1233
01:21:09,792 --> 01:21:11,125
Doc, are you okay?
1234
01:21:11,125 --> 01:21:13,042
Uh, I think so.
1235
01:21:18,833 --> 01:21:20,375
Now that the Mistress
is vanquished,
1236
01:21:20,375 --> 01:21:22,250
you can kill that asshole!
1237
01:21:22,250 --> 01:21:25,125
And how exactly do you
kill a big fucking lizard, Doc?
1238
01:21:25,125 --> 01:21:26,958
With big fucking bullets!
1239
01:21:29,167 --> 01:21:30,583
Ooh, yeah!
1240
01:21:30,583 --> 01:21:33,625
Let's do this!
1241
01:21:33,625 --> 01:21:35,500
Chew on this,
you alien mother!
1242
01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:40,292
Hang on, Jack!
1243
01:21:52,667 --> 01:21:54,333
It's nothing personal.
1244
01:21:54,333 --> 01:21:58,042
I'm just trying to make
this world a better place!
1245
01:22:00,750 --> 01:22:02,875
Yo! Fish lips!
1246
01:22:04,458 --> 01:22:06,167
I'm ready when you are!
1247
01:22:16,292 --> 01:22:17,292
Huh?
1248
01:22:17,292 --> 01:22:19,292
Bye-bye.
1249
01:22:19,292 --> 01:22:20,833
Oh, come on!
1250
01:22:26,208 --> 01:22:27,667
Oh, no, you don't.
1251
01:22:30,250 --> 01:22:31,792
Die!
1252
01:22:40,625 --> 01:22:42,625
Come here, you little shit!
1253
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:49,958
You scaly son of a bitch!
1254
01:22:52,833 --> 01:22:54,583
It ends here, harridan!
1255
01:23:04,375 --> 01:23:06,375
Oh, yeah!
1256
01:23:06,375 --> 01:23:08,458
Eat my justice!
1257
01:23:12,583 --> 01:23:14,125
Liver let die!
1258
01:23:20,792 --> 01:23:22,583
I hate politics.
1259
01:23:43,875 --> 01:23:46,792
Authorities are baffled
by tonight's events
1260
01:23:46,792 --> 01:23:49,750
and are still unaware of the
location of Governor Atkins.
1261
01:23:49,750 --> 01:23:52,208
Rescue teams have failed
to locate a body...
1262
01:23:57,417 --> 01:23:58,750
Lucy.
1263
01:24:07,292 --> 01:24:08,375
Chuck?
1264
01:24:08,375 --> 01:24:09,583
Are you okay?
1265
01:24:09,583 --> 01:24:11,167
You look... different.
1266
01:24:11,167 --> 01:24:13,958
Yeah. I guess when you
work with custard all day
1267
01:24:13,958 --> 01:24:14,958
something's got to give.
1268
01:24:14,958 --> 01:24:16,458
Oi! She's happy now!
1269
01:24:16,458 --> 01:24:18,208
So bugger off,
you lanky twat!
1270
01:24:18,208 --> 01:24:19,500
Button it, munchkin!
1271
01:24:19,500 --> 01:24:20,875
I know how
to treat her right!
1272
01:24:20,875 --> 01:24:22,375
I give her what she needs!
1273
01:24:22,375 --> 01:24:23,500
What, low shelving?
1274
01:24:23,500 --> 01:24:24,875
Up yours, Blondie!
1275
01:24:24,875 --> 01:24:26,500
For God's sake, stop it!
1276
01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:27,875
I can't take this!
1277
01:24:27,875 --> 01:24:30,042
Sorry. Just tell me one thing.
1278
01:24:30,042 --> 01:24:32,583
Did you really mean all those
things you said in your letter?
1279
01:24:33,387 --> 01:24:34,500
What are you
talking about?
1280
01:24:34,500 --> 01:24:35,792
I didn't leave any letter.
1281
01:24:35,792 --> 01:24:37,292
Ah, that may have been me.
1282
01:24:37,292 --> 01:24:38,625
Well, we couldn't just
leave without saying
1283
01:24:38,625 --> 01:24:40,333
goodbye now, could we?
1284
01:24:42,542 --> 01:24:44,250
Excuse me a second.
1285
01:24:47,333 --> 01:24:49,625
You want some of this
do you? Come on then.
1286
01:24:49,625 --> 01:24:51,208
Yeah! I'll do you from in 'ere!
1287
01:24:55,875 --> 01:24:56,958
Fuck you!
1288
01:25:00,417 --> 01:25:02,625
Sorry. I had no idea
he had done that.
1289
01:25:02,625 --> 01:25:06,125
So does this mean I wasn't a
complete washout as a husband?
1290
01:25:06,125 --> 01:25:08,125
Of course, you weren't.
1291
01:25:08,125 --> 01:25:10,042
You just never understood
what it meant to me
1292
01:25:10,042 --> 01:25:13,125
to make balloon animals
and pour custard down my pants.
1293
01:25:13,125 --> 01:25:15,042
And I couldn't expect you to.
1294
01:25:15,042 --> 01:25:16,583
I could've changed.
1295
01:25:16,583 --> 01:25:18,542
I started wearing bigger shoes.
1296
01:25:22,083 --> 01:25:24,167
Face it, Chuck, you work...
1297
01:25:24,167 --> 01:25:25,750
alone.
1298
01:25:50,833 --> 01:25:52,083
There he is!
1299
01:25:52,083 --> 01:25:53,458
That's the man!
1300
01:25:53,458 --> 01:25:55,042
He's the imposter!
1301
01:25:55,042 --> 01:25:56,208
Stop him!
1302
01:26:11,696 --> 01:26:12,917
Ah!
He's gone nuts!
1303
01:26:13,498 --> 01:26:14,751
Steel!
1304
01:26:16,667 --> 01:26:19,125
I'll expect the paperwork
on my desk in the morning.
1305
01:26:19,125 --> 01:26:20,750
Go fuck yourself.
1306
01:26:27,083 --> 01:26:30,083
I could've fired him.
1307
01:26:30,083 --> 01:26:32,375
Well, that was
jolly good fun wasn't it?
1308
01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:34,125
Yeah, right.
1309
01:26:34,125 --> 01:26:36,125
There's bound to be more of
those lizards out there.
1310
01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:38,208
Also, I'm not sure
if I've mentioned this
1311
01:26:38,208 --> 01:26:40,167
but there is an equally
deadly force out there
1312
01:26:40,167 --> 01:26:41,542
that must be thwarted.
1313
01:26:41,542 --> 01:26:43,750
You have heard
of werewolves, no?
1314
01:26:44,750 --> 01:26:45,917
Sure.
1315
01:26:45,917 --> 01:26:47,458
But have you ever heard of...
1316
01:26:47,458 --> 01:26:50,042
werewolf prostitutes?
1317
01:26:51,333 --> 01:26:53,042
Or whorewolves, if you will.
1318
01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:54,583
They're bloody everywhere!
1319
01:26:56,542 --> 01:26:58,125
Face or balls!
1320
01:26:58,125 --> 01:26:59,542
Oh, flaps.
1321
01:27:00,833 --> 01:27:02,167
Yeah!