1
00:00:01,504 --> 00:00:06,520
(film reel clicking)
♪ (light orchestral music) ♪

2
00:00:08,557 --> 00:00:15,135
- ♪ At the end of the rainbow,
there's happiness ♪

3
00:00:15,135 --> 00:00:21,817
♪ And to find it,
how often I've tried ♪

4
00:00:21,817 --> 00:00:28,217
♪ But my life is a race,
just a wild goose chase ♪

5
00:00:28,217 --> 00:00:35,772
♪ And my dreams
have all been denied ♪

6
00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:41,528
♪ Why have I always
been a failure? ♪

7
00:00:41,528 --> 00:00:47,056
♪ What can the reason be? ♪

8
00:00:47,056 --> 00:00:52,589
♪ I wonder if the
world's to blaim ♪

9
00:00:52,589 --> 00:00:59,122
♪ I wonder if it could be me ♪

10
00:01:00,471 --> 00:01:06,827
♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

11
00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:13,209
♪ Watching clouds drifting by ♪

12
00:01:13,209 --> 00:01:19,280
♪ My schemes are just
like all my dreams ♪

13
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:24,214
♪ Ending in the sky ♪

14
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:26,440
(fireworks pop)

15
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,901
♪ Some fellows looking
find the sunshine ♪

16
00:01:30,901 --> 00:01:36,272
♪ I always look
and find the rain ♪

17
00:01:36,272 --> 00:01:42,187
♪ Some fellows make
a winning sometime ♪

18
00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:48,265
♪ I never even make
the game, believe me ♪

19
00:01:49,855 --> 00:01:58,707
♪ I'm always chasing rainbows ♪

20
00:01:58,707 --> 00:02:04,382
♪ Waiting to find
a little bluebird ♪

21
00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:11,609
♪ In vain ♪
(clock tower tolling)

22
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,473
♪ (somber musical sting) ♪

23
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,777
♪ (demonic music) ♪
(creature screaming)

24
00:02:21,939 --> 00:02:22,861
(thud!)

25
00:02:22,861 --> 00:02:25,183
(moans) Huh?

26
00:02:25,183 --> 00:02:28,184
Oh. I'm alive! I'm alive!

27
00:02:28,184 --> 00:02:30,407
(splat)
(car honks, tires squeal)

28
00:02:30,407 --> 00:02:33,945
- (man) Heh. Thanks for
the fun time, hot stuff.

29
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,784
- Yeah, yeah, listen.
Keep this discreet, you hear me?

30
00:02:36,784 --> 00:02:38,782
I can't let it get out
I'm offering my services

31
00:02:38,782 --> 00:02:40,754
to randos on the street.

32
00:02:40,754 --> 00:02:43,110
It was a quick
cash grab, you got it?

33
00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:46,271
- (sputters) Whatever
you say, slut. (chuckles)

34
00:02:46,271 --> 00:02:48,443
- (sarcastic) Ouch, ooh, such an insult.

35
00:02:48,443 --> 00:02:49,647
Let me know when you
come up with something

36
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:52,727
creative to call me, you sack
of poorly packaged horseshit.

37
00:02:52,727 --> 00:02:55,583
Tell the missus I said hi...
(smooch) shnookum.

38
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:56,444
- Back up.

39
00:02:56,444 --> 00:03:00,453
(mutters as car screeches
away and crashes)

40
00:03:00,453 --> 00:03:01,845
- Hmm?

41
00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:05,084
(machine clatters)

42
00:03:06,045 --> 00:03:08,170
(distant boom)

43
00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:09,357
- Yoink!
- Hey!

44
00:03:09,437 --> 00:03:10,740
- Up yours, drag show!

45
00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:11,790
(thud)

46
00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:14,053
- (gasps) Oh, my God!

47
00:03:15,078 --> 00:03:17,760
My drugs! Damn it!

48
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,240
(lasers firing and explosions)

49
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:26,467
- (laughing maniacally)
(egg creatures giggling)

50
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,317
Those other cowardly sinners

51
00:03:28,317 --> 00:03:31,236
dare not hinder
my territorial takeover!

52
00:03:31,236 --> 00:03:34,704
A wise decision. The power
of my machines are unmatched!

53
00:03:34,704 --> 00:03:38,573
No other demon can
compare to the likes of I!

54
00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:42,841
- Gee, that was
pretty swell, boss.

55
00:03:42,841 --> 00:03:44,105
- Yeah.

56
00:03:44,105 --> 00:03:46,500
- You really showed
them what for.

57
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,871
I liked it when you shot them
with your ray gun.

58
00:03:48,871 --> 00:03:52,341
- I wish he'd shoot me
with his ray gun.

59
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:57,267
- At this rate, I will seize
control of the entire west side

60
00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:59,433
of the pentagram by day's end.

61
00:03:59,433 --> 00:04:03,672
And nothing, not a single beast
in this inferno of suffering,

62
00:04:03,672 --> 00:04:05,720
will be able to take
back this empire

63
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:10,062
from my constrictive grasp!
(party favors toot) (eggs cheer)

64
00:04:10,062 --> 00:04:13,636
- Oh, boy!
- Hell will be mine,

65
00:04:13,636 --> 00:04:16,463
and everybody will know
the name of Sir--

66
00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:20,082
- (woman) Edgelord!
- Pardon? Who said that?

67
00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:24,026
What did you just say to me,
you fried chicken fetuses?

68
00:04:24,026 --> 00:04:27,708
Speak up!
- That wasn't us, Mr. Boss Man.

69
00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:29,479
(object whistling and hissing)

70
00:04:29,479 --> 00:04:30,864
(glass breaks)

71
00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:33,860
(fuse sizzling)
(thunk, thunk, thunk)

72
00:04:35,407 --> 00:04:37,333
(boom!)

73
00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:39,316
- (hacking)

74
00:04:39,316 --> 00:04:43,516
- You looking for
a fight, old man?

75
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:48,125
Why don't you get that
tinker toy bullshit off my turf

76
00:04:48,125 --> 00:04:49,905
before I smash it!

77
00:04:49,905 --> 00:04:51,497
(crash)
...More.

78
00:04:51,497 --> 00:04:55,699
- Oh, you want to go, Missy?
Well, I'm happy to oblige!

79
00:04:55,699 --> 00:04:57,899
AH HA HA!

80
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,866
♪ (news theme) ♪

81
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:02,746
- Good afternoon.
I'm Katie Killjoy.

82
00:05:02,746 --> 00:05:04,122
- And I'm Tom Trench.

83
00:05:04,122 --> 00:05:05,743
Chaos out of
Pentagram City today

84
00:05:05,743 --> 00:05:07,744
as a turf war is raging
on the west side

85
00:05:07,744 --> 00:05:09,669
between notable
kingpin Sir Pentious

86
00:05:09,669 --> 00:05:13,001
and self-proclaimed spunky
powerhouse Cherry Bomb.

87
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:15,601
- That's right, Tom.
After the recent extermination,

88
00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:17,969
many areas are now up for grabs.

89
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:20,547
(background fighting)
Demons all over Hell
are already duking it out

90
00:05:20,547 --> 00:05:22,254
to gain new territory.

91
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,085
- (Tom) Those two seem
to really be going at it, huh?

92
00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:27,835
- Looks like they're fighting
tooth and nail for that hot spot.

93
00:05:27,835 --> 00:05:30,637
- And I'd sure like to nail
her hot spot. (chuckles)

94
00:05:30,637 --> 00:05:32,895
- Hehe, you are
a limpdick jackass, Tom.

95
00:05:32,895 --> 00:05:35,696
Or should I say... no dick?
- Not again!

96
00:05:35,696 --> 00:05:37,981
- Coming up next up next,
we have an exclusive interview

97
00:05:37,981 --> 00:05:40,848
with the daughter of
Hell's own head honcho,

98
00:05:40,848 --> 00:05:44,456
who's here to discuss
her brand-new passion project.

99
00:05:44,456 --> 00:05:46,715
All that and more
after the break.

100
00:05:46,715 --> 00:05:48,817
Suck it up, you little bi--
(test tone)

101
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:52,457
- (sighs) Okay. You
remember what to say?

102
00:05:52,457 --> 00:05:55,487
- (takes deep breath)
Yes. Let's do this.

103
00:05:55,487 --> 00:05:57,747
- Just look at me,
and I'll mouth it to you.

104
00:05:57,747 --> 00:06:00,709
- (annoyed) Come on,
Vaggie, I know what to say.

105
00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:04,099
I just feel like we need
to, I don't know,

106
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:07,405
make things sound more
exciting? (gasps) Ohhh!

107
00:06:07,405 --> 00:06:10,050
What if I si--
- Sing a song about it?

108
00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:13,685
- You knew I was gonna say that.
- Because I know you.

109
00:06:13,685 --> 00:06:16,543
But please don't sing.
This is serious.

110
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,764
- Well, you know, I'm better
at expressing myself

111
00:06:19,764 --> 00:06:21,525
and my goals through song!

112
00:06:21,525 --> 00:06:23,697
- But life isn't a musical, hun.

113
00:06:23,697 --> 00:06:27,120
- Fine, but I have these
other ideas of what to say.

114
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,969
(eagerly) The highlighted
bits are the best parts!

115
00:06:29,969 --> 00:06:32,190
- Uh, it's all highlighted.

116
00:06:32,190 --> 00:06:34,316
Is this a drawing?

117
00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,596
- Yes! That's the happy
ending. See?

118
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:39,694
Everyone's smiling
and happy in Heaven.

119
00:06:39,694 --> 00:06:41,188
- I don't think
it's that simple.

120
00:06:41,188 --> 00:06:44,496
Just PLEASE follow the talking
points we went over.

121
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:47,561
(emphasizing) And do not sing.

122
00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:50,110
- (annoyed) Okay, fine.

123
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,824
(terrible British accent)
I'll just have to resort

124
00:06:51,824 --> 00:06:54,788
to my impeccable improv skills.

125
00:06:56,246 --> 00:06:59,676
Hi. I'm Charlie.
- (low growl)

126
00:06:59,676 --> 00:07:01,559
Katie Killjoy.
(blows)

127
00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:04,328
I'd say it's a pleasure to meet
you, but that would be a lie.

128
00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:07,442
You can put that away.
I don't touch the gays.

129
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:09,825
I have standards.
- Yeah?

130
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:12,551
How's, uh-- how's that
working out for ya?

131
00:07:12,551 --> 00:07:15,898
- Look, my time is money,
so I'll keep this short.

132
00:07:15,898 --> 00:07:18,359
You're not here because
we wanted you here.

133
00:07:18,359 --> 00:07:20,292
You're here because
Jeffrey couldn't make it

134
00:07:20,292 --> 00:07:22,322
for his cannibal
cooking segment.

135
00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:23,594
(oven bell dings)
You might be some

136
00:07:23,594 --> 00:07:26,023
royal big shot, but that
doesn't mean shit to me.

137
00:07:26,023 --> 00:07:28,899
I'm too rich and too influential
to give a flying fuck

138
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:31,605
about what some tux-wearing
demon "princess"

139
00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:33,786
wants to advertise.
- But I--

140
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,213
- So don't get cute
with me, honey,

141
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:37,114
or I will fucking bury you.

142
00:07:37,114 --> 00:07:38,276
- (director) And we're live!

143
00:07:38,276 --> 00:07:39,356
- Welcome back! 
(cracking)

144
00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:42,687
So Charlotte.
- It's Charlie.

145
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:45,815
- Whatever. Tell us about this
new passion project you've been

146
00:07:45,815 --> 00:07:48,458
insistently pestering
our news station about.
(knife shing!)

147
00:07:48,458 --> 00:07:51,368
- Well... (clears throat)

148
00:07:51,368 --> 00:07:55,229
(sighs) As most of you know,
I was born here in Hell.

149
00:07:55,229 --> 00:07:57,824
And growing up, I always
tried to see the good

150
00:07:57,824 --> 00:08:00,121
in everything around me.
(slug shrieks)

151
00:08:00,121 --> 00:08:03,284
Hell is my home and--
(splat!)
--you are my people.

152
00:08:03,284 --> 00:08:06,846
We-- we just went through
another extermination.

153
00:08:06,846 --> 00:08:10,347
We lost so many souls,
and it breaks my heart

154
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:13,618
to see my people being
slaughtered every year.

155
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:17,759
No one is even given a chance.
I can't stand idly by

156
00:08:17,759 --> 00:08:21,290
while the place I live is
subjected to such violence.

157
00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:26,057
So... I've been thinking.
Isn't there a more humane way

158
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:28,874
to hinder overpopulation
here in Hell?

159
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:33,122
Perhaps we can create an
alternative way to change souls

160
00:08:33,122 --> 00:08:37,328
through... redemption?
Well, I think yes.

161
00:08:37,328 --> 00:08:40,055
So that's what this project
aims to achieve.

162
00:08:40,055 --> 00:08:44,829
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm
opening the first of its kind,

163
00:08:44,829 --> 00:08:47,879
a hotel that
rehabilitates sinners!

164
00:08:47,879 --> 00:08:49,760
(silence)

165
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,857
(creak)
(nervously) You know?

166
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:58,223
'Cause hotels are for people
passing through temporarily.
- (murmuring)

167
00:08:58,223 --> 00:09:01,791
- (chuckles)
Is this girl for real?

168
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,903
She thinks-- you hear
what she thinks?

169
00:09:04,903 --> 00:09:08,155
She-- ha ha! Oh, she's nuts.

170
00:09:08,155 --> 00:09:09,778
- (Charlie) I figure it
would serve a purpose,

171
00:09:09,778 --> 00:09:13,353
a place to work
towards redemption.

172
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,062
(sheepishly) Yay.

173
00:09:15,062 --> 00:09:16,172
(footsteps)

174
00:09:16,592 --> 00:09:17,442
(radio feedback)

175
00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:19,206
- Stupid bitch.

176
00:09:19,206 --> 00:09:20,510
(pow!)
(crashing)

177
00:09:21,348 --> 00:09:24,079
- Look, every single one of you

178
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,601
has something good
deep down inside.

179
00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:29,063
I know you do.

180
00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:32,063
Maybe I'm not
getting through to you.

181
00:09:32,063 --> 00:09:33,849
- Oh, no.

182
00:09:33,849 --> 00:09:35,289
(fingers snap)

183
00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:41,735
- ♪ I have a dream
I'm here to tell ♪

184
00:09:41,735 --> 00:09:45,183
♪ About a wonderful,
fantastic new hotel ♪

185
00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:48,682
♪ Yes, it's one of a kind,
right here in Hell ♪

186
00:09:48,682 --> 00:09:51,679
♪ Catering to
a specific clientele ♪

187
00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,519
- (chorus) ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

188
00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,784
- ♪ Inside of every demon
is a rainbow ♪

189
00:09:56,784 --> 00:09:59,379
♪ Inside every sinner
is a shiny smile ♪

190
00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:02,108
♪ Inside of every creepy,
hatchet-wielding maniac ♪

191
00:10:02,108 --> 00:10:04,953
♪ Is a jolly, happy,
cupcake-loving child ♪

192
00:10:04,953 --> 00:10:06,356
♪ We can turn them 'round ♪

193
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,728
♪ They'll be Heaven-bound ♪

194
00:10:07,728 --> 00:10:09,518
♪ With just a little time down ♪

195
00:10:09,518 --> 00:10:12,192
♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

196
00:10:12,192 --> 00:10:14,386
♪ So all you junkies,
freaks, and weirdos ♪

197
00:10:14,386 --> 00:10:15,886
♪ Creepers, fuck-ups,
crooks, and zeros ♪

198
00:10:15,886 --> 00:10:17,149
♪ And downfallen superheroes ♪

199
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,387
♪ Hope is here ♪

200
00:10:18,387 --> 00:10:19,718
♪ All of you cretins,
slobs, and losers ♪

201
00:10:19,718 --> 00:10:21,087
♪ Sexual deviants and boozers ♪

202
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,387
♪ And prescription drug abusers ♪

203
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:23,718
♪ Need not fear ♪

204
00:10:23,718 --> 00:10:25,100
♪ Forever again ♪

205
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,295
♪ We'll cure your sin ♪

206
00:10:26,295 --> 00:10:27,653
♪ We'll make you well ♪

207
00:10:27,653 --> 00:10:29,078
♪ You'll feel so swell ♪

208
00:10:29,078 --> 00:10:30,725
♪ Right here in Hell ♪

209
00:10:30,725 --> 00:10:34,408
♪ At the Happy Hotel ♪

210
00:10:34,408 --> 00:10:37,901
♪ There'll be no more fire
and no more screams ♪

211
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:41,491
♪ Just puppy dog kisses
and cotton candy dreams ♪

212
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,094
♪ And puffy-wuffy clouds ♪

213
00:10:43,094 --> 00:10:44,915
♪ You're gonna be like, "Wow!" ♪

214
00:10:44,915 --> 00:10:51,419
♪ Once you check in with meeee ♪

215
00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:52,918
♪ So all your cartoon
porn addictions ♪

216
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:54,152
♪ Vegan rants,
psychic predictions ♪

217
00:10:54,152 --> 00:10:55,251
♪ Ancient Roman crucifixions ♪

218
00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:56,289
♪ End right here ♪

219
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:57,751
♪ All you monsters,
thieves, and crazies ♪

220
00:10:57,751 --> 00:10:59,036
♪ Cannibals and crying babies ♪

221
00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:00,420
♪ Frothing mouthers
full of rabies ♪

222
00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:01,480
♪ Fill with cheer ♪

223
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:02,689
♪ You'll be complete ♪

224
00:11:02,689 --> 00:11:03,915
♪ It'll be so neat ♪

225
00:11:03,915 --> 00:11:04,976
♪ Our service can't be beat ♪

226
00:11:04,976 --> 00:11:06,361
♪ You'll be on Easy Street ♪

227
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,108
♪ Yes! Life will be sweet ♪

228
00:11:08,108 --> 00:11:11,587
♪ At the Happy Hotel! ♪

229
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,428
♪ (holding note) ♪

230
00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:14,618
Yeah!

231
00:11:14,669 --> 00:11:18,239
(silence) (Charlie panting)

232
00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:19,990
- Wow!

233
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:21,558
That was shit.

234
00:11:21,558 --> 00:11:25,231
(demons laughing uproariously)

235
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,559
- Boo.

236
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,791
- What in the nine circles

237
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,373
makes you think
a single denizen of Hell

238
00:11:33,373 --> 00:11:37,386
would give two shits about
becoming a better person?

239
00:11:37,386 --> 00:11:41,199
You have no proof that this
little experiment even works.

240
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:44,823
You want people to be
good, just because?

241
00:11:44,823 --> 00:11:47,453
(laughter continues)
- Well, we have a patron already

242
00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:50,957
who believes in our cause, and
he's shown incredible progress.

243
00:11:50,957 --> 00:11:53,925
- Oh? And who might that be?

244
00:11:53,925 --> 00:11:58,631
- Oh, just someone
named Angel Dust.

245
00:11:58,631 --> 00:12:01,735
- The porn star?
- You fucking would, Tom. 
(nails screech)

246
00:12:02,170 --> 00:12:05,516
In any case, that's not
even an accomplishment.

247
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,895
I'm sure you can get
that hooker to do anything

248
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,633
with enough
booger sugar and lube.

249
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,525
- Oh, I beg to differ.

250
00:12:11,525 --> 00:12:14,361
He's been behaved, clean,
and out of trouble

251
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:17,114
for two weeks now.
- (man) Breaking news.

252
00:12:17,114 --> 00:12:19,591
♪ (news theme) ♪
- We are receiving word

253
00:12:19,591 --> 00:12:22,491
that a new player has
entered the ongoing turf war.

254
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,346
Let's go to the live feed.

255
00:12:24,346 --> 00:12:27,689
(rioting sounds,
Angel Dust cackling)

256
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:30,791
- Oh, shit.
- "Oh, shit," indeed.

257
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,624
It looks like the one
who just joined the battle

258
00:12:32,624 --> 00:12:36,893
is none other than (gasps)
porn actor Angel Dust.

259
00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,655
What a juicy coincidence.

260
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:42,325
You must feel really
stupid right now.
- (wolf whistle)

261
00:12:42,325 --> 00:12:45,884
- (both chuckling) Ratings!

262
00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:47,884
- (frantically)
Don't look at this!

263
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:50,060
- Well, it sure looks
like your little project

264
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,726
is dead on arrival.

265
00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:55,356
Tell us, how does it feel
to be such a total failure?

266
00:12:55,356 --> 00:12:58,814
(laughter)
- Yeah, well, how does it feel

267
00:12:58,814 --> 00:13:01,628
that I got your pen, huh? 
...Bitch?

268
00:13:01,628 --> 00:13:04,989
♪ (dramatic chord) ♪
Heh-heh. Oops.

269
00:13:04,989 --> 00:13:06,134
(Tom scampers away)

270
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,354
(shing!)

271
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,490
- (roars)

272
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:09,340
(poof!)
- Hey,

273
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:12,059
thanks for the backup, Angie.
- (laughs) You kiddin'?

274
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,763
This is the best action
I've seen in ages.

275
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,177
- Where you been anyway?

276
00:13:16,177 --> 00:13:18,229
I thought you up
and died or some shit.

277
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:21,241
- Oh, I wish. I've been
staying at this crappy hotel

278
00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,886
on the other side of town.
(whistle of bomb falling)

279
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:26,212
Some broads are letting me
stay rent-free if I play nice.

280
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:29,547
(poof!)
(sighs) You know, no fights,

281
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:33,417
no pranks, no "problematic
language." Her words, not mine.

282
00:13:33,417 --> 00:13:37,926
These crazy bitches are no fun!
I've been clean for two weeks.

283
00:13:37,926 --> 00:13:40,859
- Holy shit.
- Well, sorta clean.

284
00:13:40,859 --> 00:13:43,378
Just clean as you can get
while doing a shitload

285
00:13:43,378 --> 00:13:45,118
of Bolivian marching powder.

286
00:13:45,118 --> 00:13:46,245
(yelps)

287
00:13:46,245 --> 00:13:49,376
(chains rattle)
Oh, harder, Daddy~

288
00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:50,682
- (gasps) Son?

289
00:13:51,857 --> 00:13:54,077
(train horn sounds, loud wallop)

290
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:56,138
(enraged snarl)

291
00:13:56,138 --> 00:13:59,921
You whores have no class.
In war, the side remembered

292
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:02,912
is the side with
the most... style.

293
00:14:02,912 --> 00:14:05,873
- Or the side that ain't dead.
- Speaking of style,

294
00:14:05,873 --> 00:14:08,178
is your hat, like,
alive or something?

295
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:12,196
- Oh, well, that's none of your
goddamn business. Now, is it?

296
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:15,117
- (chuckles) Would that make your hat
the top and you the bottom?

297
00:14:15,117 --> 00:14:17,213
- Ooh!
(distant air horn blares)

298
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:20,615
(bonk!)
- I'm going to blow you to bits.

299
00:14:20,615 --> 00:14:23,874
- Hmm, kinky.
- Oh, not like that, pervert!

300
00:14:23,942 --> 00:14:24,682
(egg scrambling)

301
00:14:24,682 --> 00:14:26,052
(shove)
- (Cherry Bomb) Oof!

302
00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:30,550
Not so cocky now, are we?
- You know,

303
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:32,914
you really gotta watch
what comes out of your mouth.

304
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:35,803
I've been making these sex jokes
the whole... TIME!

305
00:14:35,803 --> 00:14:38,280
And it's obvious
you ain't catchin' on.

306
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,674
I mean, it's just sad!
(gunfire)

307
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,826
- So, think you're gonna get
in a lot of trouble for this?

308
00:14:43,826 --> 00:14:46,212
- Ehh, what's one little
brawl gonna cause?

309
00:14:46,212 --> 00:14:48,016
(panicking and rioting)

310
00:14:48,016 --> 00:14:50,475
- (Tom) Why won't anyone help me?!

311
00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:52,476
- (Cherry Bomb) Glad you haven't changed.

312
00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:55,256
You know you're my
favorite guy to party with.

313
00:14:55,256 --> 00:14:56,884
- You know it, sugar tits.

314
00:14:56,884 --> 00:15:00,445
- You ready to finish this?
- Born ready, baby.

315
00:15:00,445 --> 00:15:04,285
(collective screaming)

316
00:15:08,248 --> 00:15:11,876
(engine rumbling)

317
00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:14,698
(window whirring up and down)
- (sighs)

318
00:15:14,698 --> 00:15:18,360
(whirring continues)

319
00:15:20,912 --> 00:15:22,844
(whirring stops)

320
00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:27,027
- What?
- "What"? "What"?!

321
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,697
What were you doing?!

322
00:15:28,697 --> 00:15:30,761
- (sighs) I owed my
girl buddy a solid.

323
00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:32,610
Isn't that a
"redeeming quality,"

324
00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:34,289
helping friends with stuff?

325
00:15:34,289 --> 00:15:37,888
- Not with turf wars that
result in territorial genocide!

326
00:15:37,888 --> 00:15:41,994
- Ehh, you win some, you lose
a few hundred. (chuckles)

327
00:15:41,994 --> 00:15:43,809
It wasn't that bad anyway.

328
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,060
(fwip, thunk!)
(crackle)

329
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:49,037
- (low growl)
- Oh, come on! I had to!

330
00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:51,713
My credibility was
on the line. (sighs)

331
00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,220
I mean, what kind of
reputation would I have

332
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,253
if people found out
I was trying to go clean?

333
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:57,782
It just throws out
my entire persona.

334
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:00,285
- Your credibility?
What about the hotel's?

335
00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:03,330
Your little stunt made us
look like a fucking joke.

336
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,490
- (laughing) No, no, no, babe.
Jokes are funny.

337
00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:11,114
I made you look, uh,
sad and pathetic...

338
00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:14,995
like an orphan with
no arms... or legs...

339
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:17,614
uh... Oh! With progeria.

340
00:16:17,614 --> 00:16:20,728
Great, now I'm bummed
thinking about it.

341
00:16:20,728 --> 00:16:22,123
This thing have any liquor?

342
00:16:22,123 --> 00:16:25,320
- Can you please just try
to take this seriously?

343
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,912
- Fine, I'll try. Just don't get
your taco in a twist, baby. (snap, ding!)

344
00:16:28,912 --> 00:16:31,512
- Was that you trying
to be sexist or racist?

345
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,084
- Whatever pisses you off more.

346
00:16:33,084 --> 00:16:35,212
Is there seriously
no liquor in here?

347
00:16:35,212 --> 00:16:36,820
- I'm gonna kill him.

348
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:40,432
- Too late, toots. Wait, would
that make me double-dead?

349
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:45,758
Heh. Where exactly do I go,
to Double Hell? (laughing)

350
00:16:45,758 --> 00:16:49,065
Sorry, you're stuck with me,
bitch. Get used to it.

351
00:16:49,065 --> 00:16:51,119
- (muttering) Come
mierda, malparido.

352
00:16:51,119 --> 00:16:54,049
- Listen, who cares
if some jagoffs got hurt.

353
00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:56,575
Most of them are ugly
freaks. Look around.

354
00:16:56,575 --> 00:16:58,683
You got a bunch of fuckin'
harlequin babies down here. (laughs)

355
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:02,087
- You're one to talk.
- Hey! This body is flawless.

356
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,623
Everyone wants some of me,

357
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,022
and I got the creepy
fan letters to prove it.

358
00:17:06,022 --> 00:17:08,052
♪ (saxophone note) ♪
- (growls)

359
00:17:08,052 --> 00:17:11,182
- That was really uncool,
you know, Angel.

360
00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:13,016
- "Uncool"?
After that train wreck,

361
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:16,395
there is no way anyone is gonna
want to stay at the hotel,

362
00:17:16,395 --> 00:17:19,882
all thanks to you
and your selfish bullshit!

363
00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:22,815
- Does that mean I don't
have a free room anymore?

364
00:17:22,815 --> 00:17:24,515
(creaky rattle)

365
00:17:24,515 --> 00:17:26,311
Ah, well, shucks.

366
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:30,456
- Hey, come on. We don't
know if things are over yet.

367
00:17:30,456 --> 00:17:33,606
Try to relax, Vaggie.
It'll be okay.

368
00:17:33,606 --> 00:17:36,476
♪ (soft piano music) ♪

369
00:17:38,051 --> 00:17:40,245
(doors bang loudly)

370
00:17:40,245 --> 00:17:44,626
(footsteps and creaking echo)

371
00:17:45,973 --> 00:17:47,458
- Ugh!

372
00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:54,105
(dripping)

373
00:17:56,073 --> 00:17:57,775
- It's probably
a good idea to get

374
00:17:57,775 --> 00:18:00,844
some actual food in
this place. You know,

375
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:04,188
to feed all the wayward souls
you got in here. (chuckles)

376
00:18:04,188 --> 00:18:06,456
(chuckling dies down)

377
00:18:06,456 --> 00:18:07,713
Ehh...

378
00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:12,915
(Angel Dust walks away)

379
00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:20,587
(demon grunts)

380
00:18:20,844 --> 00:18:22,293
(series of tones)

381
00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:24,127
(beep)

382
00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:30,133
- Hey, Mom. Um, I know I keep
calling, and you must be busy...

383
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:35,734
Really busy... Uh, but, um,
the interview didn't go well.

384
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:40,562
And... I don't know if I'm
going to make a difference.

385
00:18:40,562 --> 00:18:43,075
I don't know what I'm doing.

386
00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:45,622
I could really use
some advice, Mom.

387
00:18:45,622 --> 00:18:50,265
I... I think Dad
was right about me.

388
00:18:50,265 --> 00:18:56,193
Eh-heh, oof, ehh, anyway, I'll stop
talking before this gets long.

389
00:18:56,193 --> 00:18:59,116
Love you. Bye.

390
00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:00,176
(taps screen)

391
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:02,330
(door shuts)

392
00:19:06,285 --> 00:19:08,561
(echoing knocking)

393
00:19:08,849 --> 00:19:12,234
♪ (ominous music) ♪

394
00:19:16,352 --> 00:19:17,732
(eerie strings)

395
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:18,798
(light static warble)

396
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:21,234
- (tinny voice) Hel...

397
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:24,088
...lo.
- Hey, Vaggie?

398
00:19:24,088 --> 00:19:25,005
- (annoyed) What?

399
00:19:25,005 --> 00:19:27,273
- The Radio Demon
is at the door.

400
00:19:27,273 --> 00:19:28,972
- What?!
- Uh, who?

401
00:19:28,972 --> 00:19:32,549
- What should I do?
- (scoff) Well, don't let him in.

402
00:19:33,154 --> 00:19:35,284
♪ (eerie music) ♪

403
00:19:35,379 --> 00:19:38,035
- May I speak now?
- You may.

404
00:19:38,035 --> 00:19:40,086
- Alastor! Pleasure to be
meeting you, sweetheart.

405
00:19:40,086 --> 00:19:42,176
Quite a pleasure!
Excuse my sudden visit,

406
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:44,271
but I saw your fiasco
on a picture show,

407
00:19:44,271 --> 00:19:47,263
and I just couldn't resist.
What a performance!

408
00:19:47,263 --> 00:19:48,741
Why, I haven't been
that entertained

409
00:19:48,741 --> 00:19:51,204
since the stock market
crash of 1929.

410
00:19:51,204 --> 00:19:54,071
(laughs with studio audience)
So many orphans.

411
00:19:54,071 --> 00:19:57,251
- Stop right there,
cabrón hijo de perra.

412
00:19:57,251 --> 00:20:01,761
I know your game, and I'm not
gonna let you hurt anyone here,
- (static warble)

413
00:20:01,761 --> 00:20:04,305
you pompous, cheesy,
talk show shit lord.

414
00:20:04,305 --> 00:20:07,197
- Dear, if I wanted
to hurt anyone here,

415
00:20:07,197 --> 00:20:12,863
I would have done so already.
(heavily distorted static)

416
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,010
(silence)

417
00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:16,195
- No, I'm here because
I want to help.

418
00:20:16,195 --> 00:20:19,662
- Say what now?
- Help. Heh-heh-heh.

419
00:20:19,662 --> 00:20:23,268
Hello? Is this thing on?
Testing, testing.
(tap, tap)

420
00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:25,125
- (another voice) Well,
I heard you loud and clear.

421
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:28,956
- Um, you want to help with...?

422
00:20:28,956 --> 00:20:32,337
- This ridiculous thing
you're trying to do, this hotel.

423
00:20:32,337 --> 00:20:36,650
I want to help you run it.
- But... why?

424
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:38,962
- Ha-ha-ha. Why does
anyone do anything?

425
00:20:38,962 --> 00:20:44,521
Sheer, absolute boredom! I've
lacked inspiration for decades.

426
00:20:44,521 --> 00:20:49,159
My work became mundane,
lacking focus, aimless.

427
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:53,489
I've come to crave a new form
of entertainment. Ha-ha-ha!

428
00:20:53,489 --> 00:20:56,215
- Does getting into
a fistfight with a reporter

429
00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:57,926
count as entertainment?

430
00:20:57,926 --> 00:21:01,654
- Ha-ha-ha! It's the
purest kind, my dear.

431
00:21:01,654 --> 00:21:07,367
Reality! True passion!
After all, the world is a stage.

432
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,834
And the stage is a world
of entertainment.

433
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,430
- So does this mean
that you think it's possible

434
00:21:14,430 --> 00:21:16,178
to rehabilitate a demon?

435
00:21:16,178 --> 00:21:20,114
- (laughs with studio audience) 
Of course not.
That's wacky nonsense.

436
00:21:20,114 --> 00:21:23,153
Redemption, oh,
the nonexistent humanity.

437
00:21:23,153 --> 00:21:25,842
No, no, no, no. I don't
think there's anything left

438
00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:27,640
that could save such
loathsome sinners.

439
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,086
The chance given was
the life they lived before.

440
00:21:30,086 --> 00:21:32,014
The punishment is this!

441
00:21:32,014 --> 00:21:33,622
There is no undoing
what is done.

442
00:21:33,622 --> 00:21:35,254
- So then why do
you want to help me

443
00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:37,114
if you don't believe
in my cause?
(audio feedback)

444
00:21:37,114 --> 00:21:38,651
- Consider it an investment

445
00:21:38,651 --> 00:21:41,032
in ongoing
entertainment for myself.

446
00:21:41,032 --> 00:21:43,413
♪ (swing music) ♪ 
I want to watch the scum
of the world struggle

447
00:21:43,413 --> 00:21:45,482
(music stops)
to climb up the
hill of betterment,

448
00:21:45,482 --> 00:21:48,180
only to repeatedly trip
and tumble

449
00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:52,532
down to the fiery pit of failure.
(demonic growls and screams)

450
00:21:53,052 --> 00:21:54,929
- Riiight.

451
00:21:56,193 --> 00:21:59,685
- Yes, indeedy. I see big
things coming your way,

452
00:21:59,896 --> 00:22:02,037
and who better
to help you than I?

453
00:22:02,037 --> 00:22:04,694
- Uh, so, uh, what's the deal
with smiles over there?

454
00:22:04,694 --> 00:22:06,622
- Wait, you've never
heard of him before?

455
00:22:06,622 --> 00:22:09,126
You've been here longer than me.
(shoulders creak)

456
00:22:09,126 --> 00:22:10,124
The Radio Demon,

457
00:22:10,124 --> 00:22:12,827
one of the most powerful
beings Hell has ever seen?

458
00:22:12,827 --> 00:22:15,936
- Ehh, not big on politics.
- Ughh.

459
00:22:15,936 --> 00:22:21,492
♪ (eerie music) ♪ 
Decades ago, Alastor manifested
in Hell, seemingly overnight.

460
00:22:21,492 --> 00:22:25,098
He began to topple overlords who
had been dominant for centuries.

461
00:22:25,098 --> 00:22:27,960
That kind of raw power
had never been harnessed
(static warbles)

462
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,482
by a mortal soul before.

463
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,963
Then he broadcast his carnage
all throughout Hell,

464
00:22:32,963 --> 00:22:35,554
just so everyone could
witness his ability.

465
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:39,634
Sinners started calling
him the Radio Demon...

466
00:22:39,634 --> 00:22:41,377
as lazy as that is.

467
00:22:41,377 --> 00:22:44,721
♪ (ominous music swells) ♪ 
Many have speculated what
unimaginable force

468
00:22:44,721 --> 00:22:49,272
enabled him to rival our world's most
ancient and destructive evils.

469
00:22:49,272 --> 00:22:51,144
But one thing's for sure,

470
00:22:51,144 --> 00:22:53,871
he's an unpredictable
source of danger,

471
00:22:53,871 --> 00:22:58,170
a wicked spirit of mystery,
and a violent monster of chaos

472
00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:01,320
the likes of which we can't
risk getting involved with

473
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,925
unless we want to end up erased.

474
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:07,922
(music cuts) 
- Ya done? (laughs) He looks
like a strawberry pimp.

475
00:23:07,922 --> 00:23:10,126
- Well, I don't trust him.

476
00:23:10,126 --> 00:23:13,423
- To be fair, do you trust
any man? Any men?

477
00:23:13,423 --> 00:23:15,155
(chuckles) Men?

478
00:23:15,155 --> 00:23:19,131
- Charlie, listen to me.
You can't believe this creep.

479
00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:24,386
He isn't just a happy face.
- (Alastor hums)
- He's a deal maker, pure evil.

480
00:23:24,396 --> 00:23:27,771
- He can't be redeemed and is
most likely looking for a way

481
00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:30,165
to destroy everything
we're trying to do.

482
00:23:30,165 --> 00:23:34,229
- I... we don't know that.
Look, I know he's bad.

483
00:23:34,229 --> 00:23:37,302
And I know he probably
doesn't want to change.

484
00:23:37,302 --> 00:23:40,523
But the whole point of this
is to give people a chance,

485
00:23:40,523 --> 00:23:43,069
(radio distortion)
- (Charlie) to have faith things will be better.

486
00:23:43,069 --> 00:23:46,447
How can I turn
someone away? I can't.

487
00:23:46,447 --> 00:23:48,695
It goes against
everything I'm trying to do,

488
00:23:48,695 --> 00:23:51,094
everything I believe in.

489
00:23:51,094 --> 00:23:55,123
Just trust me.
I can take care of myself.

490
00:23:55,123 --> 00:23:59,227
- Charlie, whatever you do,
do not make a deal with him.
- (radio feedback swells)

491
00:23:59,227 --> 00:24:02,782
- Don't worry. I've picked up
one thing from my dad.

492
00:24:02,782 --> 00:24:05,962
(deep voice) "You don't
take shit from other demons."

493
00:24:05,962 --> 00:24:10,153
Okay. So Al,
you're sketchy as fuck

494
00:24:10,153 --> 00:24:13,080
and you clearly see what
I'm trying to do here as a joke.
(whoosh)

495
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,552
But I don't.

496
00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:16,955
I think everyone
deserves a chance

497
00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:20,583
to prove they can be better, so
I'm taking your offer to help...

498
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:22,583
on the condition
that there be no

499
00:24:22,583 --> 00:24:25,908
trickster voodoo
strings attached.

500
00:24:25,908 --> 00:24:28,806
- So it's a deal then?
♪ (magical music) ♪
(whoosh)

501
00:24:28,806 --> 00:24:31,621
(loud, resonating warbling)
- Agh!

502
00:24:32,311 --> 00:24:36,722
- Nope. No shaking.
No deals. I... hmm.

503
00:24:37,264 --> 00:24:40,588
As Princess of Hell
and heir to the throne,

504
00:24:40,588 --> 00:24:44,630
I, uh, hereby order that
you help with this hotel

505
00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:47,246
for as long as you desire.

506
00:24:47,246 --> 00:24:49,973
(distant howl)

507
00:24:49,973 --> 00:24:52,904
Sound fair?
- Hmm.

508
00:24:52,904 --> 00:24:55,242
Fair enough.
- Cool beans.

509
00:24:55,242 --> 00:24:58,212
- ♪ (hums) ♪

510
00:24:58,639 --> 00:25:00,515
Smile, my dear!

511
00:25:00,751 --> 00:25:03,450
You know you're never
fully dressed without one.

512
00:25:03,450 --> 00:25:07,333
♪ (humming) ♪

513
00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:09,129
So where is your hotel staff?

514
00:25:09,129 --> 00:25:12,201
- Uh... well... 
(creaking head turn)

515
00:25:12,201 --> 00:25:15,720
(chuckles) Oh, you're going
to need more than that.

516
00:25:16,001 --> 00:25:18,871
And what can you do,
my effeminate fellow?

517
00:25:19,057 --> 00:25:19,885
- I can suck your dick.

518
00:25:19,965 --> 00:25:20,713
(screeching)

519
00:25:20,713 --> 00:25:23,401
- Ha! No.
- Your loss. (zip)

520
00:25:23,401 --> 00:25:25,035
- Well, this just won't do.

521
00:25:25,035 --> 00:25:28,160
I suppose I cash in a few
favors to liven things up.

522
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,370
(snap) (whoosh)

523
00:25:29,370 --> 00:25:31,801
♪ (whimsical musical sting) ♪

524
00:25:31,934 --> 00:25:34,324
(fire crackling)

525
00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:38,825
(smoke hiss)

526
00:25:40,036 --> 00:25:40,776
(squeaking )

527
00:25:42,347 --> 00:25:43,740
(squee!) (poof!)

528
00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:46,337
This little darling is Niffty.

529
00:25:46,337 --> 00:25:49,173
- Hi, I'm Niffty.
It's nice to meet you.

530
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:51,775
It's been a while since
I've made new friends, heh-heh.

531
00:25:51,775 --> 00:25:54,169
Why are you all women?
Are there any men here?!

532
00:25:54,169 --> 00:25:56,808
I'm sorry if that's rude.
Oh, man, this place is filthy!

533
00:25:56,808 --> 00:25:58,435
It really needs a lady's touch,

534
00:25:58,435 --> 00:26:00,835
which is weird because
you're all ladies, no offense.

535
00:26:00,835 --> 00:26:04,767
Oh, my gosh, this is awful.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

536
00:26:04,767 --> 00:26:06,122
(gasps) Nope.

537
00:26:06,122 --> 00:26:09,366
- Ha. Read 'em and weep, boys.

538
00:26:09,366 --> 00:26:13,673
Full h--whoa-tel?
(radio tuning warbles)

539
00:26:13,673 --> 00:26:15,865
What the fuck is this?
(coin jangles)

540
00:26:15,865 --> 00:26:17,285
(scornfully) You!

541
00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:20,391
(studio audience claps)
- Ah, Husker, my good friend.
Glad you could make it.

542
00:26:20,391 --> 00:26:23,375
Don't you "Husker" me,
you son of a bitch.

543
00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,638
I was about to win
the whole damn pot!

544
00:26:25,638 --> 00:26:27,175
- Good to see you, too.

545
00:26:27,175 --> 00:26:29,270
- What the hell do you want
with me this time?

546
00:26:29,270 --> 00:26:31,371
- My friend, I am doing
some charity work,

547
00:26:31,371 --> 00:26:34,167
so I took it upon myself
to volunteer your services.

548
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:37,018
I hope that's okay.
- Are you shittin' me?

549
00:26:37,018 --> 00:26:39,047
- Hmm... (morse code beeps) 
No, I don't think so!

550
00:26:39,047 --> 00:26:40,037
(audience laughter)

551
00:26:40,037 --> 00:26:43,092
- You thought it would be
some kinda big fuckin' riot

552
00:26:43,092 --> 00:26:45,042
just to pull me outta nowhere?

553
00:26:45,042 --> 00:26:47,270
You think I'm some
kinda fuckin' clown?

554
00:26:47,270 --> 00:26:48,532
- Maybe.

555
00:26:48,532 --> 00:26:51,285
(audience laughs)
- I ain't doin'
no fuckin' charity job.

556
00:26:51,285 --> 00:26:53,348
- Well, I figured you would
be the perfect face

557
00:26:53,348 --> 00:26:55,842
(drum roll)
to man the front desk of this
fine establishment.

558
00:26:55,842 --> 00:26:58,708
(audience clapping) 
With your charming smile
and welcoming energy,

559
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:01,372
(droop )
this job was made for you!
(ratcheting smile)

560
00:27:01,372 --> 00:27:05,027
Don't worry, my friend. I can
make this more welcoming...

561
00:27:05,027 --> 00:27:07,444
if you wish...

562
00:27:07,444 --> 00:27:09,084
(slot machine warbles down)

563
00:27:09,084 --> 00:27:10,684
- What? You think you can buy me

564
00:27:10,684 --> 00:27:12,469
with a wink and
some cheap booze?

565
00:27:12,469 --> 00:27:14,065
Well, you can.

566
00:27:14,065 --> 00:27:18,366
- Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey.
No, no bar, no alcohol.

567
00:27:18,366 --> 00:27:21,098
This is supposed to be place
that discourages sin!

568
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:25,297
Not some kind of now...
brothel... man cave.

569
00:27:25,297 --> 00:27:28,724
- Shut up! Shut up!
(intensely) We are keeping this.

570
00:27:29,126 --> 00:27:31,440
(flirtatiously) Hey~
- Go fuck yourself.

571
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,094
- Only if you watch me~

572
00:27:33,094 --> 00:27:35,890
- Oh, my gosh!
Welcome to the Happy Hotel!

573
00:27:35,890 --> 00:27:38,009
You are going to love it here!

574
00:27:38,009 --> 00:27:41,092
- I lost the ability
to love years ago.

575
00:27:41,092 --> 00:27:43,298
- So what do you think?

576
00:27:43,298 --> 00:27:46,001
- This is amazing! (squeals)

577
00:27:46,001 --> 00:27:49,122
- It's... okay.
- (chuckles)

578
00:27:49,122 --> 00:27:51,869
This is going to be
very entertaining.

579
00:27:51,959 --> 00:27:53,716
(laughs using radio distortion)

580
00:27:53,816 --> 00:27:55,712
♪ (upbeat show music) ♪

581
00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:57,969
♪ You have a dream ♪

582
00:27:57,969 --> 00:28:00,196
♪ You wish to tell ♪

583
00:28:00,196 --> 00:28:01,501
♪ And it's just laughable ♪

584
00:28:01,501 --> 00:28:03,928
♪ But hey, kid, what the Hell? ♪

585
00:28:03,928 --> 00:28:06,509
♪ 'Cause you're one of a kind ♪

586
00:28:06,509 --> 00:28:08,273
♪ A charming demon belle ♪

587
00:28:08,273 --> 00:28:11,316
♪ Now let's give these
burning fools a place to dwell ♪

588
00:28:11,316 --> 00:28:12,761
Take it, boys!

589
00:28:12,761 --> 00:28:15,911
♪ (jubilant swing music) ♪

590
00:28:15,911 --> 00:28:16,893
Ha-ha! 
(chorus) -Boo!

591
00:28:16,893 --> 00:28:20,274
♪ Inside of every demon
is a lost cause, ha ♪

592
00:28:20,274 --> 00:28:23,202
♪ But we'll dress 'em
up for now with just a smile ♪

593
00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:25,407
- (chorus) ♪ Wicked smiles! ♪
- ♪ And we'll chlorinate ♪

594
00:28:25,407 --> 00:28:28,204
♪ This cesspool with some
old redemptive flair ♪

595
00:28:28,204 --> 00:28:31,351
♪ And show these simpletons
some proper class and style ♪

596
00:28:31,351 --> 00:28:33,036
- (chorus) ♪ Class and style! ♪
- ♪ Oh! ♪

597
00:28:33,036 --> 00:28:34,533
♪ Here below the ground ♪

598
00:28:34,533 --> 00:28:36,201
♪ I'm sure your plan is sound ♪

599
00:28:36,201 --> 00:28:38,601
♪ They'll spend a little time ♪

600
00:28:38,601 --> 00:28:41,440
♪ Down at this Hazbin Ho-- ♪
(loud explosion)

601
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,305
(Niffty yells)
(crash!)

602
00:28:44,028 --> 00:28:44,938
(radio distorition)

603
00:28:44,978 --> 00:28:46,123
♪ (dramatic music) ♪

604
00:28:46,123 --> 00:28:47,996
- Ha! Well, well, well.

605
00:28:47,996 --> 00:28:51,427
Look who it is
harboring the striped freak.

606
00:28:51,427 --> 00:28:53,728
We meet yet again, Alastor.

607
00:28:53,728 --> 00:28:55,195
- Do I know you?

608
00:28:55,195 --> 00:28:56,259
- (deflates)

609
00:28:56,259 --> 00:28:58,410
Oh, yes, you do!

610
00:28:58,410 --> 00:29:02,445
And this time, I have
the element of... (sing-song) surprise!

611
00:29:02,445 --> 00:29:04,919
HA HA HA!

612
00:29:04,919 --> 00:29:08,651
I'm so evil! (laughing)

613
00:29:08,651 --> 00:29:12,182
Whoa... whoa... whoa... oh...

614
00:29:12,182 --> 00:29:16,187
(screaming)

615
00:29:16,967 --> 00:29:18,115
That hurt!

616
00:29:18,115 --> 00:29:21,995
(screaming continues)

617
00:29:23,395 --> 00:29:25,626
(eggs howling)

618
00:29:28,193 --> 00:29:31,554
(static warbling)

619
00:29:31,554 --> 00:29:32,907
♪ (menacing music) ♪

620
00:29:32,907 --> 00:29:34,117
(static warbles)

621
00:29:34,117 --> 00:29:36,255
(loud blast)

622
00:29:36,255 --> 00:29:38,976
(warbling winds down)

623
00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:44,136
- Well, I'm starved!
Who wants some jambalaya?

624
00:29:44,136 --> 00:29:46,765
My mother once showed me
a wonderful recipe for jambalaya.

625
00:29:46,765 --> 00:29:48,931
In fact, it nearly
killed her. Ha-ha-ha!

626
00:29:48,931 --> 00:29:51,017
You could say the kick
was right out of Hell!

627
00:29:51,017 --> 00:29:52,883
(laughing) Oh, I'm on a roll!

628
00:29:52,883 --> 00:29:57,426
Yessir! This is the start of some
real changes down here.

629
00:29:57,426 --> 00:29:59,234
The game is set.

630
00:30:00,434 --> 00:30:05,088
Now... stay tuned.

631
00:30:05,088 --> 00:30:06,959
(devilish chuckle)

632
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,909
Captioned by Sebby

633
00:31:29,980 --> 00:31:33,549
(smoke hissing)

634
00:31:33,549 --> 00:31:35,415
(rattling)

635
00:31:37,699 --> 00:31:41,051
- Now will you shoot me
with your ray gun?

636
00:31:41,051 --> 00:31:42,209
(thump)